samlaingik

झूठी मुस्कराहट

2012-01-14T11:17:00.000-08:00

जीने को दिल नहीं चाहता। परिवार चाहता है मैं किसी लड़की से शादी करके घर बसा लूं। रोज मानसिक तौर पर दबाव दिया जाता है। पर क्या कर सकता हूँ मैं। वो सोचते हैं यह एक मानसिक बीमारी है जो किसी डॉक्टर के पास जा कर ठीक हो जाएगी। उनके लटके हुए चेहरे देख कर लगता है अब मरने के सिवा कोई चारा नहीं......
शादी करना बड़ी बात नहीं....लेकिन कब तक मैं उस लड़की को धोखा दे सकता हूँ... और नहीं तो क्या यह एक धोखा ही तो है.... सेक्स भी जबरदस्ती करना होगा... झूठी मुस्कराहट देनी होगी... ज़िन्दगी और वोह दोनों बोझ बन कर रह जायेंगे .... दिल अभी भी तड़पता है लेकिन तब आत्मा भी तडपेगी।

लगता है तुम अब नहीं आओगे

2012-01-12T11:34:00.000-08:00

दिल मर रहा है...रोज मरता है...वो उम्मीदें कहीं खोई जा रही हैं...लगता है तुम अब नहीं आओगे...यह नजर भी अब उतनी तेज नहीं की तुम्हारी आस के लिए एकटक रास्ते पर रख सकूँ...तुम्हे ढूंढूं भी तो कहाँ ?

आज मन फिर उदास है !

2012-01-10T11:20:00.000-08:00

आज मन फिर उदास है ! काश इस जिंदगी में भी उम्मीद होती तो शायद हम दो कदम और आगे होते। हर सुबह उठने के बाद यह नहीं सोचना पड़ता की आज क्यूँ जियें । मानव जिंदगी में कामुकता को दबा पाना बहुत मुश्किल होता है...पर कोई बात नहीं , सम्भोग का सुख ना मिल पाया कोई बात नहीं, एक जीवन साथी तो मिल जाता । लेकिन हमारे समाज के ठेकेदारों ने हमें समाज का हिस्सा ही नहीं समझा है। हम अपनी यह इच्छाएं खुले तौर पर किसी से नहीं कह सकते। डेल्ही के पार्को में जाने की मेरी हिम्मत नहीं होती। इन्टरनेट पर अपनी तस्वीर डालने में डर लगता है ...सब कुछ समाज के लिए, घर के लिए, परिवार की इज्ज़त के लिए।

लेकिन वो घुटन ! जो आज फिर हो रही है ...कहाँ जाऊं ? किस से कहूँ ?

समलैंगिक और नफरत

2011-08-23T14:25:00.000-07:00

सबसे पहले स्ट्रेट लोगो को समलैंगिक लोगो ले प्रति नफरत का भाव छोर देना चाहिए...समलैंगिक न तो बलात्कारी हैं और न बाल शोषण के अपराधी...इस दुनिया में कुछ भी अप्राकर्तिक नहीं है, सब कुछ प्रकृति ने ही बनाया है, इश्वर ने ही बनाया है.....प्रकृति में ही व्याप्त है, बहार से कुछ नहीं आया..इसलिए यह भी प्राकर्तिक ही है . ....कोई अपनी मर्जी से समलैंगिक नहीं होता ..या उस से उम्र के एक पड़ाव पर यह नहीं पुछा जाता की क्या तुम समलैंगिक बनना चाहते हो ? यह तो प्राकर्तिक ही है की प्राकृतिक हारमोंस या विपरीत सेक्स के प्रति अपने आप आकर्षण पैदा होता है....लेकिन प्रकृति हमेशा एक तरह से काम नहीं करती...कभी कभी वेह भी अपनी दिशा बदल लेती है... समलैंगिक समुदाय को लोग किन्नर या समलिंगी बलात्कार या बाल शोषण से जोड़ कर देखते हैं, कुछ तो यह सोचते हैं की यह पल भर की वासना को तृप्त करने का एक सस्ता तरीका है...जबकि ऐसा नहीं है....यह भी उतना पवित्र है जैसे एक पुरुष और स्त्री का रिश्ता....एक समलैंगिक सिर्फ सेक्स को नहीं सोचता...वो उन सभी खूबसूरत पलों को भी सोचता है जो एक साफ़ सुथरी खूबसूरत जिंदगी में होते हैं.....जिस तरह स्वास्थ मंत्री या कोई भी स्ट्रेट आदमी या ओरत बच्चा पैदा करने के बाद भी सेक्स करती है तो क्या यह भी एक बीमारी है ? नहीं यह बीमारी नहीं है...यह उन हजारो सालों में विकसित हमारी इन्द्रियों और शरीर की दें है की हम ऐसा करते हैं....वंश बढाने के लिए....स्ट्रेस मिटने के लिए....और प्रेम की अनुभूति के लिए ...यह एक आवश्यक अंग है...क्या आप सेक्स के बिना रह सकते हैं ? नहीं न....इसलिए समलैंगिक भी नहीं रह सकते....और सबसे बड़ी बात वो आपसे या आप के बच्चो से नहीं कह रहे की समलैंगिक बन जाओ या हमारे साथ सेक्स करो...वो तो सिर्फ इसी बात से खुश हैं की इश्वर ने उन्हें अकेला नहीं छोड़ा ...उनके जैसे और भी हैं....तो हमें ऐसे में क्या परेशानी,,,अगर वो आपस में साथ रहते हैं...सेक्स करते हैं...खुश रहते हैं......और रही बात एड्स की तो एड्स असुरक्षित सेक्स से फैलता है....आप स्ट्रेट हो या होमो एड्स पूछ कर नहीं आएगा ...असुरक्षित सेक्स जो भी करेगा उसे एड्स होने की सम्भावना बनी रहेगी.... ....ऐसा न हो पर क्या करेंगे स्वास्थ मंत्री अगर उनका कोई अपना इस तरह की दुविधा में फस जाये ? कभी कभी भारतीय होने पर शर्म आती है की यहाँ के शासक...राजनितिक लोग और मंत्री जब तक रहेंगे भारत ख़तम होता rahega...लेकिन अन्ना हजारे जैसे लोगो को देखो तो मन करता है....इंसानियत मरी नहीं है.... ऐ बन्दे तू भी चल.....इंसानियत के लिए....हर इंसान के लिए....जो तेरे ही परिवार के हैं....क्यूंकि उन्हें भी तेरे ही पिता परमेश्वर ने उन्हें भी बनाया है...!

Prashant's Story - In Hindi

2009-08-12T08:54:00.000-07:00

Prashant (Asli naam nahin) parhai men bahut achchha tha. Apne school tatha college ke poore vidyarthi jeevan men woh hamesha apni kaksha men pratham ata raha aur usko hamesha koi na koi chhatravritti milti rahi, zila star par, rajya star par athawa rashtriya star par. Apni school ki shiksha poori karne ke bad woh desh ke sabse sammaniya engineering college, Bhartiya Praudyogiki Sansthan, Kanpur (IIT Kanpur) gaya, Computer Science men Engineering ki degree hasil karne ke liye. IIT men bhi woh bahut achchhe ank lekar pas hua aur phir usne pravesh liya Bhartiya Prabandhan Sansthan, Ahmedabad (IIM Ahmedabad) men, management men snatkottar(post garduate) upadhi prapt karne ke liye. Woh abhi pas bhi nahin ho paya tha ki usko ek bahurashtriya company men oonche vetan par desh ke ek mahanagar men bahut achchi naukari mil gayi. Kitna bhagyawan tha woh, hai na? Chaliye aage parhen aur dekhen, kya sachmuch!

Ishwar ne Prashant ko yeh sab gun to awashya diye the, lekin bechare ko janm diya tha ek samlaingik ke roop men. College ke pahale hi varsha men usko apne ek sahpathhi se pyar ho gaya. Uske sahpathhi ne ek din usse ek chumban dene ka anurodh kiya. Prashant ne apne mitra ka, jo ek bahut sundar larka tha, anurodh to mana hi, sath hi apne hridaya men uske liye prem ki ek chhoti si lau bhi prajjawalit ki, jo nirantar valvati hoti gayi jaise jaise unke sharirik sambandh pragarh hue, aur lagbhag 6 mah ke samay men jab unke sambandh charam sima par pahunche, Prashant apne mitra ke prem men akanthh doob chuka tha. Aur uska mitra? Usko to Prashant se usi samay pyar ho gaya tha jab usne Prashant ko pahali bar dekha. Ek doosre se ek pal ke liye bhi door rahane men asamartha, woh dono do sharir lekin ek jaan ban gaye. Hamesha ek doosre ki sahayata karne ke liye tatpar, dono pati-patni ki tarah rahane lage. Warden se anurodh karke unhone apne kamre bhi badal liye jisse un dono ka kamra ek hi ho gaya. Agar unmen se koi kabhi bimar ho jata to doosra uski poori dekhbhal karta, chahe iske liye use poori raat hi kyon na jagna pare. Prashant apne mitra se parhane men achchha tha isliye woh parhai men uski madad karne laga jisse ki uske mitra ko bhi bahut achchhe ank prapt hoone lage. Prashant ke mirta ne prashant ko scooter chalana sikhaya. Sankshep men kahen to woh dono ek doosre ke liye sab kuch ban gaye. Un dono ki ayu us samay karib 18 varsha ki thi.

Kishorawasta men bahut se larkon ko sharab peene ki aadat par jati hai. Unki kaksha ke bhi bahut se larkon ko yeh aadat par chuki thi. Ek din Prashant ne apne mitra ko bhi sharab peete hue dekha. Yeh dekhkar Prashant bahut naraz hua aur usne apne dost ko bhir kabhi sharab na peene ki salah di. Uske dost ne aisa vayada bhi kiya, lekin kuchh din bad usne phir apne mitra ko sharab peete deekha. Is bar Prashant ne apne dost ko saph shabdon me chetawani di ki agar us din ke bad usne ek bar bhi sharab ko hath bhi lagaya to woh uske sath apne sare sambandh tor lega. Isse uska mitra sahi raste par aa gaya aur uski sharab pine ki ichchha adat men badalane ke pahale hi samapta ho gayi. Cigarette pine ki adat ke sath bhi aisa hi hua aur Prashant ne apne mitra ki yeh adat bhi nahin parane di. Prashant ke jeevan ke we sabse sukhi din the athawa, jaisa ki Prashant ab kahata hai, sirf wahi din the jab Prashant ne jana ki jeevan kya hota hai. Apni zindagi ka baki samay Prashant ne jaise-taise kata hai, athwa kat raha hai.

Engineering ka degree course panch varsha ka tha. Antim ek varsha Prashant ke liye bahut kashtadayak sabit hua. Woh sochane laga, kya hoga jab woh dono pas ho jayenge. Kya usko apne sathi se alag hona parega? Yeh vichar hi uske liye atyant kashtadayak tha. Woh tarah tarh ki yojanayen banane laga. Kya un dono ko ek hi shahar men naukari mil sakti hai? Han, kyon nahin. Sirf unmen se ek ko shuroo shuroo men thori ghatiya naukari se santushta hone parega. Yeh koi bari samasya nahin thi. Lekin uske mitra ne samjhaya ki isse koi phayada hone wala nahin hai kyonki naukari lagane ke turant wad hi un dono ke mata-pita unko shadi karane ke liye majboor karane lagenge aur woh dono ek sath ek hi ghar men nahin rah sakenge. Phir kya kiya jaye? Kya woh dono apne apne gharon se bhag jayen aur kisi anjan nagar men jiwan shuroo karen? Lekin iska artha tha ki woh dono apne man-bap ke liye mar gaye. Anta men Prashannt ne sujhaya ki thheek hai agar dono ke liye sath rahana sambhav nahin to woh dono alag alag hi rahenge lekin jivan bhar avivahit rahakar ek doosre ke prati wafadar rahenge aur jab kabhi sambhav hua milenge. Akhir kuch samanya pati-patni bhi to naukari ya vyapar jaise karano se alag alag shaharon men jeevan yapan karaten hain. Lekin Prashant ke mitra ne kaha ki yeh vyabharik nahin hai tatha samaj aur parivar ke log unhen aisa karane ki ijajat nahin denge. Prashant ki koi bhi yojana safal hoti dikhayi nahin de rahi thi.

Samay bahut teji ke sath beet raha tha. Jab un dono ki varshik pareekha ko sirf 6 mah rah gaye to Prashant phoot-phoot kar rone laga, kabhi akele men to kabhi apne dost ke samane. Uska dost usko santwana deta tha - Yeh to thhik hai ki un dono ke liye sath-sath rahana sambhav nahin hai lekin iske vabjood woh dono jiwan bhar sachche mitra bane rah sakte hain, patron ke dwara ek doosre ke sampark men rah sakte hain, ek doosre ki madad kar sakte hain, aur jab kabhi sambhav hua to mil bhi sakte hain. Lekin Prashant ko yeh sweekar nahin tha. Usne socha - Jab uske mitra ki shadi ho jayegi to ek larki ko uski dhrmapatni ka sthan milega aur Prashant ko kiska sthan milega? Ek rakhail ka? Kadapi nahin? Agar uski vasana itni hi barha gayi to woh sarak ke kisi bhikhari ko paise dekar apne sharir ki bhookha mita lega lekin apne aap ko ek rakhail ka darja dena kabhi bardashta nahin karega. Agar wooh apne mitra ka sujhawa maanta hai to use iske sath hi ek pratigya bhi karni hogi ki woh jivan men phir kabhi apne mitra se nahin milega kyonki agar woh mila to uske sharir ki chah usko apne mitra se door nahin rahane degi aur agar uske mitra ne uska nakhoon bhi chhua to usi kshana(moment) Prashant apni nazaron men gir jayega, uska sharir ganda va maila ho jayega. Kya phayada hai aise sambandha rakhane ka jisme usko aisi kathhor pratigya karni pare?

Jab unke bichharane ko kewal ek hi mahina rah gaya to Prashnta ne apne aapko iske liye taiyar karna shuroo kar diya. Usne apne hriday ko patthar ki tarah kathor bana liya, rona band kar diya, aur apne aapko poori tarah parhai men vyasta kar liya. Aajkal woh apne mitra se bahut kam bolta tha. Unke sharirik sambandh bhi lagbhag samapta ho chuke the.

Jab vidai ka samay aya to Prashant ke mitra ne usko akhiri bar apni vahon me lekar dhire se uska chumban liya. Woh sambandh jo ek chumban se shuroo hue the aaj ek chuman ke sath hi unka anta ho raha tha. Prasahnt ki ankhen barasana chahati thin lekin usne kathhorata se unko rok liya. Usne khali khali nazaron se ek bar apne sathi ko dekha aur phir woh usse alag ho gaya.

Prashant jab apne ghar pahuncha to woh apne hosho-hawas men nahin tha. Woh kya kar raha hai, kya kah raha hai, kahan ja raha hai iska usko kuchh hosh nahin tha, jaise koi adrishya shakti use khinch rahi ho, mano kisi ne use sammohit kar diya ho. Uske ghar par khushi tatha ullas ka vatavaran tha. Prashant Engineer ban kar jo lauta tha. Uske mata-pita, bhai-bahan, mitra tatha parosi sabhi bahut khush the. Sab kushiyan mana rahe the. Us khushi ke alam men kisi ne nahin dekha ki Prashant par kya gujar rahi thi. Jab koi Prashant se hansi-majak karta to Prashant bhi muskarata, jab koi chutkula sunata to Prashant bhi hansata, lekin kisi ne mahsoos nahin kiya ki Prashant ki muskan phiki thi aur hansi khokhali.

Prashant ka ab tak ka jivan to aram se gujar gaya tha lekin ab use apni pahar si jindagi mushkilon ka samna karte hue katni thi. Woh abbi poore 23 varsha ka bhi nahin tha lekin uske liye jivan men koi khushi baki nahin bachi thi. IIT men woh apne mitra se ek pal ke liye bhi alag nahin rah pata tha. Yahan tak ki woh chhuttiyon men ghar tak ana pasand nahin karta tha. Woh apne mitra ke sath hostel men hi rahata tha jab tak ki chhuttiyan kafi lambi na hon. Prashant soch raha tha ki ab woh apna sara jivan apne mitra ke bagair kaise gujarega. Apne mitra ke bina kaisa hoga uska jiwan? Uska dam ghut raha tha. Usko atyadhik pira ho rahi thi. Woh pani se bahar nikli hui machhali ki tarah tarap raha tha. Pichhale ek sal men bhi usne bahut dukh jhela tha lekin tab woh apni parhai men apna dukh bhula leta tha. Ab to uske pas parhane ke liye bhi kuchh nahin tha. Uske sathi ka chehra hamesha uski ankhon ke samne rahata. Ek kshana (moment) ke liye bhi woh usko bhula nahin paa raha tha.

Prashant ke nagar ke antim chhor par ek chhoti si nadi bahati thi. Prashant roz shamko us nadi ke kinare jakar ghanton wahan baitha rahata. Woh apne mitra ke sath gujare hue dino ko yaad karata aur apne bhavishya ke ware me sochata. Sochate-sochate uski ankhen aansuon se bhar jatin. Us samay wahan par koi nahin hota tha isliye Prashant apne aansuon ko rokne ki koi cheshta nahin karata tha. Prashant ki ankhon ka garam aur nadi ka thhanda pani sath-sath bahate the. Jab bahut andhera ho jata to woh laut parata. Kabhi kabhi woh sochta agar woh nadi men kood pare to! Ek pal men uske sare dukhon ka anta ho jaayega. Lekin uske mata-pita ka kya hoga jinko Prashant par garva tha? Kaise vardashta karenge woh apne jawan larke ki maut ka dukh? Aaj jo kuch woh bhugat raha tha, phir uske mata-pita ko bhugatana parega.

Prashant ne teen mah atyant kasht aur pira men gujare. Usko thora sukoon milta to kewal us samay jab uske pas uske mitra ka patra ata ya woh usko ptra likh raha hota. Woh karib 15 din men ek bar patra likhate the. Adhiktar woh us samay akhabaron men nikal rahi naukari ke vigyapanon ke bare men likhate the.

Aur tab Prashant ko IIM men pravesh mil gaya. Yeh uske liye bahut rahat ki bat thi. IIM men woh apne aapko vyasta rakh sakega, usne socha. Aur woh kabhi kabhi apne mitra se mil bhi sakega kyonki IIM men usko alag kamra milega. IIM join karne ke bad jo pahala kam Prashant ne kiya woh tha apne mitra ko bulane ka. Jab uska mitra aya aur usne Prashant ko apni wahon men liya, to Prashant aur uska mitra dono hi rone lage. Dono ek doosre ko chupane ki koshish karte lekin khud rote jate. Jaldi hi dono ko samajh aa gaya ki apne ansuon ko rokna unme se kisi ke bas ki baat nahin thi aur isliye un dono ne yeh koshish band kar di. Woh dono teen mahine se bhi adhik ke bad ek doosre ko dekh rahe the. Pahale kabhi woh itne samay tak ek-doosre se alag nahin rahe the. Unhen kitni hi baaten karni thin, kitna sunna tha, kitna sunana tha. Dono ek-doosre se kahana chahte the ki unke liye ek-doosre se alag hokar rahana kitna mushkil tha. Prashant ka mitra teen din tak Prashant ke sath raha. Iske baad Prashant har teen-char mahine ke baad apne mitra ko do-teen din ke liye bulane laga.

Ek baar Prashant ko apne mitra ka ek patra mila jisme usne likha tha ki uske mata-pita soch rahe the ki pas hote hi use koi achchhi naukaari mil jayegi. Lekin 6 mahine ke baad bhi aisa nahin ho paya tha aur isliye uske mata-piita ka vyabhar uske prati kathhor ho gaya tha. Bare hi marmik shabdon men uske mitra ne likha tha ki is sansar men Prashant ke alawa aisa aur koi nahin tha jo use pyar karta ho, isliye ya to Prashant uske pas aa jaye ya use apne pas bula le. Yeh parhkar Prashnat ko bahut dukh hua. Prashant janata tha ki uska mitra adhik bhavuk nahin hai phir bhi usne aisa patra likha tha. Iska artha tha ki sachmuch uska mitra sachmuch bahut pareshani men tha. Ah, Prashant jisko apni jaan se bhi adhik chahta tha uske liye woh kuchh nahin kar sakta tha. Prashant ka dil tarap kar rah gaya. Usne sirf apne mitra ko likha ki woh himmat na hare, aur apna dil chhota na kare. Ek Engineer ka adhik samay tak berojgar rahan sambhav nahin hai. Jaldi hhi usko koi na koi achchhi naukari avashya mil jayegi aur tab sab kuchh thheek ho jayega.

Agli baar jab Prashant ka mitra usse milne ke liye aya, tab Prashant ne dekha ki uske pas sirf ek jori hi achchhe kapre the. Usi shamm ko Prashant ne do jori sabse barhiya kapre kharidkar apne mitra ko uphar men diye. Uske mitra ko bara ashchrya hua kyonki pahale kabhi un dono ne ek-doosre ko koi uphar nahin diya tha. Uske poochhne par Prashant ne kaha ki woh dono ab bahut kam mil pate hain. Kahin tum mujhe bhhol na jao, isliye tumko yeh kapde de raha hoon. Jab kabhi tum inhen pahanoge, mujhe yaad karoge. Iske karan Prashant ko baad men thori si dikkat bhi hui kyonki Prashant sirf scholarship se hi kam chala raha tha, woh ghar se koi paisa nahin mangata tha. Ispar bhi Prashant apne mitra ko uphar dekar bahut hi khush tha.

Kuchh samay ke baad Prashant ko apne mitra ka patra mila jismen usne likha tha ki usko naukari mil gayi hai aur ab uske mata-pita ka vyabhar bhi uske sath achchha hoo gaya hai. Tab tak Prashant ki MBA ki degree bhi poori hone wali thi aur Prashant ko bhi naukari mil gayi. Ab Prashant bhi kabhi kabhi apne mitra ke paas jane laga. Woh har panch-chhah mahine par do-teen din ke liye ek-doosre se milte the.

Is prakar, IIT chhorane ke lagbhag 6 sal baad tak woh dono milte rahe. Prashant ke jiwan men agla mor tab aya jab usko apne mitra ki ek chitthhi mili jismen usne likha tha ki uska rishta taya ho gaya hai aur amuk tarikh ko uska vivah ho jayega. Prashant 11 varsha se apne mitra ke sampark men tha. In 11 varshon men se baad ke lagbhag 7-8 varshon se uska mitra usse kahata aa raha tha ki ek na ek din usko shadi avashya karni paregi. Doosri or Prashant kabhi is vastikvikta ko sweekar nahin kar paya tha aur hamesha apne mitra se jiwan bhar avivahit rahne ka anurodh karata raha tha. Ab samay aa gaya tha ki Praashant is vastivkta ko sweekar kare. Lekin Prashant ab bhi iske liye taiyar nahin tha. Prashant is baat ki kalpana bhi nahin kar sakta tha ki uska mitra kisi aur ki wahon men ho. Ye vichar uske liye atyant piradayak tha. Prashant ko samajh nahin aa raha tha ki woh kya kare. Usne patra ka jawab nahin diya. Kuchha din ke baad uske pas uske mitra ka ek aur patra aya jismen usne Prashant se yeh kahkar mafi mangi thi ke woh majboor hai. Prashant ne is patra ka bhi uttar nahin diya. Phir uske mitra ka teesra patra aya jismen usne likha tha ki halat uske kaboo se bahar hain aur isliye Prashant usko maf kar de. Prashant ne tab bhi koi uttar nahin diya. Phir uske mitra ke patra ana band ho gaye. Lagbhag 15 din gujar gaye. Prashant bechain tha. Akhir usne apne mitra ko likha ki woh usse milane aye. Prashant ka mitra uske pas aya aur ek saptah tak uske sath raha. Prashant ne usse vivah radda kar dene ko kaha. Uska mitra iske liye taiyar nahin tha. Prashant ne apne mitra ko dhamki di ki agar usne apna vivah radda nahin kiya to woh atmahtya kar lega aur uske mrit sharir par hi voh apne byah raha sakega. Anta men uska mitra raji ho gaya aur tabhi Prashant ne usko lautane diya. Yeh tay hua ki uska mitra larki walon ko ek anam patra likhega ki larke wale nichi jati ke hai aur unhone apni jati chhupi hai.

Jaisa taya hua tha uske anusar Prashant ke mitra ko har baat ki soochana Prashant ko barabar dete rahana tha. Lekin Prashant ko 15 din tak bhi apne mitra ki or se koi soochan nahin mili. Aur bhir Shadi ka din bhi nikal gaya. Uske mitra ne tab bhi Prashant ko koi soochana nahin bheji. Akhir Prashant ne apne mitr ke paitrak sthan jane ka nirnaya liya aur raat bhar ki yatra karke woh uske ghar pahuncha. Wahan jakar usko maloom hua ki uske mitra ka vivah ho chuka hai. Uske mitra ne usse adhik baat bhi nahin ki. Sirf itna hi kaha ki sari taiyariyaan poori ho chuki thin isliye usne kuch karana uchit nahin samjha. Poori tarah se toota hua Prashant bhagna hridaya waps laut aya.

Sooraj ab bhi duniya ko roshni de raha tha, nadiyan ab bhi apne meethe jal se sansar ki pyas bujha rahi thi, phool ab bhi khilkar sansar ki sundarata ko barha rahe the aur chiriyan ab bhi chahachaha-chahachaha kar duniya ko apne meethe geet suna rahi thin lekin Prashant ke liye sansar badal chuka tha. Toot chuki thi neh ki woh barik si dor jisse bandha hua Prashant apne mitra se 6 mah men sirf ek bar milkar bhi khush tha. Usne kbhi uf tak nahi ki. Kabhi ishwar se shikayat nahin ki. Parantu ishwar se Prashant ka itna sa sukh bhi deka nahin gaya. Aaj usne woh nazuk si dor bhi kat di. Ab Prashant duniya men bilkul akela tha. Ab sara jiwan is vishal sansar men woh akela bhatkega. Pyar ke ek-ek meethe bol ke liye taras jayega woh. Kya karata Prashant? Usne apne aapko kaamre men band kar liya aur sharab peena shuroo kar diya. Wohi Prasahnt jisne ek din apne mitra ko shrab peene roka tha aaj khud sharab pee raha tha. Usne apne daftar jana band kar diya. Uski sharab ki matra dinodin barhati gayi. Lekin sharab se usko koi phayada nahin ho raha tha. Ek kshana ke liye bhi woh apne mitra ko nahin bhula saka. Uska sundar chehra hamesha Prashant ki ankhon ke samne rahata. Prashant ke un dinon men uska koi sathi tha to kewal ek boorha naukar jo uske liye khana banata tha aur ghar ke doosre kam karata tha. Jab Prashant lagbhag do mahiine tak apne kam par nahin gaya to uski bahurashtriya company ki woh naukari chhoot gayi.

Prashnat ne lagbhag 6 mahine is buri halat men gujare. Woh apne paitrak sthan se bahut door ek dosre rajya men tha. Usne apne mata-pita ko kuchh nahin likha kyonki isse usko koi labh hone wala nahin tha. Ulte uski pareshaniya aur barh sakti thin. Use sawalon ke teero ki bauchhar ka samna karna parata - yeh kaise hou, tum abhi kya kar rahe ho, yahan aa jao, doosri naukari ki koshish karo adi adi. Lagbhag 6 mah ke baad uska dard kuchh kam hona shuroo ho gaya. Ab usne doosri kamon ki or dhyan den shuroo kiya. Sabse zaroori kam tha doosri naukari ki talash karana. Uski pichale char varsho ki bachat sharab tatha doosri zarooraton par khatma ho chuki thi. Usne naukari ke liye kooshish shuro kar di aur karib do mahine bad usko ek sarkari company men naukari mil gayi. Yeh naukari uski pahali naukari ke mukable kuch bhi nahin thi lekin Prashant ke pas ise sweekar kar lene ke alawa aur koi rasta nahin tha.

Yeh naukari ek aise shahar men thi jo uske paitrak sthan se kafi paas tha. Jab woh apni nayi naukari aur nayi jagah men vyavasthit(settle) ho gaya to uske mata-pita uske pas ane lage aur use shadi karne ke liye mazboor karane lage. Prashant hamesha saf mana kar deta tha. Woh kahata tha ki woh is bare men baat bhi nahin karna chahata. Lekin iske babjood, usne dekha ki dhire-dhire na kewal uske maan-baap, balki uske rishtedar, mitra, sahakarmi, parosi, tatha jise bhi woh is duniya men janta tha woh use shadi ke liye majboor karne laga. Jab bhi koi usse milne ata woh sirf uski shadi ki baat karta aur koi baat nahin. Aisa lagta tha ki duniya men logon ke liye uski shadi ke alawa koi vishaya tha hi nahin. Log kisi tarah mante hi nahin the. Prashant logon se rukhepan se pesh ata, kabhi-kabhi unka apman bhi kar deta, unko apne ghar se nikal jane ke liye bhi kaha deta, lekin bhir bhi log nahin mante the. Unka dhairya aparimit tha. Sansar men jis kisi ke bhi shadi layak larki thi, woh Prasahnt ke ghar aur daftar ke chakkar katne laga. Na jane kahan se unko uska pata mil jata tha. Prashant sabko mana karte-karte thak gaya.

Prashant ka swasthya pichhale aathh mahino men uski bigarti hui mansik dasha tatha atyadhik sharab peene ke karan kafi kharab ho gaya tha. Iske alawa, khana banana na ane ke karan woh khana bahar kisi restaurant men khata tha. Kai bar woh bazar jane men alas karta aur bhookha hi so jata. Iska bhi uske swasthya par asar para. Woh baht jaldi-jaldi bimar parne laga. Usko hamesha bukhar rahane laga. Kabhi-kabhi woh apne daftar men kanpane lagta aur uske sahkarmi usko tokte. Jab Prashat Doctor ke pas jata to woh usko dawai dekar kahate ki ise khali pet mat khana. Is karan Prasahnt kai bar dawai nahin kha pata kyonki na uska man khana bananee ka hota aur na hi bazar jane ka. Aur yeh samaya tha jab ki Prashant apne vivah ke bare men sochane laga. Uski dekhbhal karne ke liye kisi ki zaroorat thi. Shadi ke alawa aur koi rasta nazar nahin ata raha tha. Uske mitra ki shadi ko char saal beet chuke the. In chaar salon men usko apne mitra ki kabhi koi khabar nahin mili thi. Aur na hi uski ichchha thi ki ab jeevann men use uska kabhi koi samachar mile. Prashant yeh bhi janta tha ki ab use apne jaise aur koi mitra nahin milega. Ahir uske jaise log ssirf chahane bhar se thore hi mil jate hain. Uske jaise log to kahin dikhayi bhi nahin dete. Aur bhir aisa koi jo sara jiwan uske sath rahe. Usne yeh vastvikta bhi sweekar kar li thi ki ab use jiwan men kabhi sharirik sukh nahin milega. Kahin se koi sahayata ki asha nahin thi, koi sahara dene wala nahin tha aur na hi koi aisa tha jo ki usko sahi raasta dikhata. Aisi dasha men usne nirnaya liya ki agar ab uski shadi ka koi prastawa aya to woh na nahin kahega. Woh lagbhag das varsh se iske viruddha larta aa raha tha lekin ab woh pariwar, samaj taha apni paristhitiyon ke samne ghutne tek dega. Aur apni patni ke saath sharirik sambandh? Prasahnt ne socha liya ki woh uski khushi ke liye uske saath pyar ka natak kiya karega.

Prashant abhi thheek se nirnaya le bhi nahin paya tha ki kismat ne use ooopar amal bhi kar dddiya. Hamare samaj men shadi ke layak larkon ke liye itne adhik rishte milte hai ki isse pahale ki aap ek rishta dhoondhen aapko hazar mil jayenge. Uske mata-pita ek rishta lekar aye aur ek kamjor kshana men Prasahnt ne apne maun (silence) se apni sweekriti de di aur Prashant ka 'Vivah' sampanna ho gaya. Is prakar hui Prashant se apne jiwan ki sabse bari bhool. Aur Prashant ke dukhon ki ek nayi kahani shuroo ho gayi. Prashant apni patni ke saath pyar ka natak nahin kar saka. Ek stri(woman) ke sharir ki Prashant ko koi chah nahin thi. Use apni patni ke sparsh tak se nafrat thi halanki(though) uski patni bahut sundar thi. Uske shuroo karne ke pahale hi sab kuchh khatm ho jata tha. Usko paanch minute bhi nahin lagte the. Uske oopar yeh ek bojh tha. Woh raaton se darta tha. Shaan hoti aur woh sochata ki kash woh kahin bhag jata. Uske liye yeh balatkar se bhi adhik kashtaprad tha. Ek stri ke saath jab koi balatkar karta hai to use sirf woh kuch sahan karna parta hai jise woh pasand nahin karti. Lekin Prashant ko na kewal yeh sab sahan karna tha balki use khud yeh sab karna bhi tha. Kabhi-kabhi yeh sab karte samay use hriday men hoti apne mitra ki yaad aur aankhon men aansoo. Uski yeh sab karne ki aavritti (frequency) kam se kam hoti gayi. Shuroo-shuroo men saptah men ek bar, phir ek mah men ek baar, aur bhir kai mahinon men ek baar. Lekin is karan se Prashant ko paanch varsh men do santanon (offspring) ki prapti hui, pahale ek beti aur phir ek beta.

Prashant ki patni ne vigyan men snatkottar upadhi prapta ki thi. Woh meethhe swabhawa ki larki thi. Lekin ab uska swabhawa bahut kharab ho chuka hai. Uski manasik dasha bigar chuki hai kyonki use na to Prasahnt se pati ka pyar hi mila aur na hi sharirik sukh. Woh Prashant se har chhoti-bari baat par larti-jhagarti hai, uske oopar chillati hai, use aur uske ristedaron ko gandi-gandi galiyan deti hai, aur apne khud ke maan-baap ko bura-bhala kahati hai jinhone uski shadi Prashant ke saath kar di. Woh itni gandi-gandi galiyan bakti hai jinhen sunkar ek veshya ko bhi sharm aa jaye. Aksar woh Prashant ke oopar haath bhi uthha deti hai aur usko chanta tak mar deti hai. Prashant khoon ka ghoon peekar raha jata hai. Prashant sab kuchh sahan karta hai kyonki woh janata hai ki galti usi ki hai, use shadi karne ka koi hak nahin tha, usne apni panti ki jindagi kharab kar di hai. Usko sab kuchh sahan karna hi parega kyonki woh papi hai, kyoni uski adaten gandi hain, kyonki samaj usse nafrat karta hai, kyonki Ishwar ka kop uske oopar para hai, kyoni usko stri ki vajay purush ke sharir ke chah hai. Lekin kabhi-kabhi uska dhairya jawab de deta hai aur woh bhi apni patni ki tarah hi jor-jor se gandi-gandi galiyan dene lagta hai aur use peetne lagta hai. Aur tab woh dono kutte-billi ki tarah larane lagte hain. Unko is tarah larta dekhkar koi mazdoor ya bhangi bhi baunchak raha jayega. Woh ye sab apne bbachchon ke samne hi karte hai aur jab ki unke parosi bhi sun rahe hote hain. Unko is tarah larta dekhkar koi sapne men bhi soch nahin sakta ki woh dono hi itni oonchi shiksha prapta hain. Mamla tab jakar samapta hoota hai jab Prashat apne hathhon aur pairon se a pni patni ko maar-maar kar uska kachoomar nikal deta hai, woh rone lagti hai aur apne aapko kamre men band kar leti hai. Bachche buri tarah dar jate hain. Do-teen din tak ghar par khana nahin banta. Prashant aur uski patni dono hi bhookhe rahate hain. Bachchon ke liye pas ke ek restaurant se Prashant kuchh le ata hai.

Prashat ko apni patni se koi payar nahin hai lekin woh apne bachchon ko bahut pyar karta hai. Prashant kahata hai- samanya log apna pyar apni patni aur bachchon men barabar-barabar bante hain lekin mere hridaya ka sara prem mere bachchon par hi kendrit hai. Lekin iska uski patni par bahut bura prabhawa (effect) hua hai. Woh apne khud ke hi bachchon se jalne lagi hai kyonki unko Prashant se itna pyar milta hai aur use bilkul nahin. Woh apne bachchon ko aksar bina kisi karan ke peettee hai(beats) aur unko galiyan deti hai, woh unko khana nahin deti, aur unki parhai ka koi khyal nahin rakhati. Woh kahati hai jab koi uska khyaal nahin rakhataa to woh kyon kisi ka khyaal kare. Aksar jab Prashant office se lautata hai to dekhata hai ki uske bachche ro rahe hain. Wh usko batate hain ki unki maan ne unko buri tarah peeta hai aur dopahar ko khane ke liye kuchh bhi nahin diya. Woh raat ka khan bhi nahin banayegi kyonki usne apne aa ppko kamre men band kar liyaa hai. Tab Prashant apne bachchon ke liye khana banata hai. Woh khana banana nahin janata hai, sirf khichri ya daliya jaisi koi cheej bana sakta hai. Kabhi kabhi Prashant bhi bahut gusse men aa jata hai. Woh office se thaka hua lauta hai aur woh bhi bhookha hai. Office ki bhi apni samasyayen (problems) hoti hain. Unse bhi nibatna parta hai. Aur bhir ghar aakar roz yeh musibat. Woh in bachchon ke liye kuchh nahin kar sakta. Kisne unse kaha tha uske ghar men paida hone ke liye? Unka bhagya hi kharab hai to woh kya kare? Aur woh bhi apne bachchon ke liye khana nahin banata. Us din uske bachche bhhokhe sote hain.

Der raat ko jab Prashant ka krodh shant hota hai, to woh uthhata hai aur bachchon ke kamre men jata hai. Woh unko khane ke liye kuchha dena chahata hai, doodh garam karke unko pilana chahata hai. Lekin dono bachche gahari neend men hain, unko is samay uthhana thheek nahin. Prashant ka dil bhar ata hai. Uske bachchon ki kya galti hai? Unko yeh sab kyon sahan karana par arha hai? Woh apne bachchon ke pas unke bistar par baith jata hai, unke balon men apni ungliyan phirata hai, aur unko choomta hai. Phir woh apne aapko santawana (consolation) deta hai ki subah woh bahut jaldi uthakar bachcho ke uthane ke pahale hi unke liye kuchh bankar rakhega.

Prashant ki patni a pne hi bachchon ke prati itni kathor kyon ho gayi hai? Kyonki Prashant unko pyar jo karta hai. Agar jindagi ne Prashant ko kuchh diya hai to woh hain yahi bachche. We uske jeevan ki sabse bari nidhi hain. Woh unka munh (face) dekhkar kuch samay ke liye apne dukh bhool jata hai. Woh jab unhen apni god men leta hai to usko bahut khushi hoti hai. Prashant ki patni yeh khoob achchhi tarah janti hai. Prashat uska dushman hai. Hamen apne dushman par kahan var karna chahiye? Jahan woh sabse kamjor ho. Prashant ke bachche uski kamjori hain. Isliye bachchon ke prati nirdaya dikhane se Prashant ko sabse jyada chot pahunchegi. Woh kabka bhool chuki hai ki yeh bahi bbachche hain jinhen usne naun (nine) mahine apne pet men rakha hai.

Prashant ke bachche jinhen apni maan ka pyar nahin mil raha hai manasik roop se asamanya hote ja rahe hain. Unka sharirik vikas dheema hai aur woh parhane men kamjor hain. Itne medhavi pita ke bachche, haan (yes) weh parhane men kamjor hain. Weh apne papa ko bahut pyar karte hain, jinse unhen mann aur baap dono ka pyar milta hai. Lekin Prashant to unke saath sara din nahin raha sakata. Use daftar jaana hi parega. Bachchon ko to apni maa ke saath hi rahana hai jisse woh bahut darate hain. Prashant ke bachche jab bare hoonge to weh asamanya aur mansik roop se kamjor honge. Jab unka vivah hoga to unka parivarik jeevan asamanya aur dukhi hoga. Aur isi prakar pirhi-dar-pirhi parivar ke parivar barbad hote rahenge.

Iske liye kaun jimmedar hai? Prashant, jisko ek stri ke sharir ki koi ichchha nahin thi, jisko samaj ne jabardasti ek aurat ke saath bandh diya, aur jo apni patni ke saath pyar ka natak nahin kar paya? Uski patni, jisko apne pati se woh kuchh bhi nahin mila jo uska hak tha aur jo ardha-vikshipta (half-mad) ho gayi? Unke bachche, jinko kabhi maan ka pyar hasil nahin hua aur jo hamesha dare hue rahate hain? Kaun is prashna ka jawab dega?

Prashant ke pas jo kuch hai kya usko usi men khush nahin rahana chahiye? Kya usko yeh nahin samajha lena chahiye ki usko ab koi purush pyar karne ke liye nahin milega? Uske pas sirf apni patni hai. Woh usi ko pyar karne ki koshish koyn nahin karata? Woh oonchi shiksha prapt hai. Use apne parivar ko tootne se bachana chahiye. Prashant kahata hai - jeewan apne sathi ke chhote-chhote sukhon ke liye apne sukhon ko kurban karne aur ek doosre ke sukh-dukh men saath dene ka naam hai. Apni patni ke liye mere hridaya men aisi bhavnayen hain hi nahin. Muje na uske dukh me dukh hota hai, aur na uske sukh men sukh. Shyad sharirik akarshan aur ek doosre ke sharir ki chah jaroori hai. Iske bina prem nahin hota.

Agar Prashant apni patni se pyar nahin kar sakta to kam se kam use apna mitra to bana sakta hai? Jeewan-moolyon men dosti ko pyar se bhi ooncha sthan diya gaya hai. Dosti ki khatir to log apni jann bhi de dete hain. Prashant iska jawab is tarah deta hai - Dost woh hota hai jo hamare bare men sab kuch janata hai, jisse ham kuchh bhi nahin chhupate. Meri patni se to mera sab kuchh chhupa hua hai, mere vyaktitawa ki sabse bari baat, meri akankshayen, meri abhilashayen, meri vastavikta, kuchh bhi to aisa nahin jo usko maloom ho. Woh kaise meri mitra ho sakti hai.

Ab Prashant ke jiwan ne ek ganda mor le liya hai. Lekin isse pahale ki ham aap ko iske bare men batayen, ek aisi ghatna ke bare men likhana zaroori hai jo college men uske saath ghati thi. Tab Prashant kishoravastha men tha aur bahut sundar lagta tha. Uski kaksha ke 50 men se aadhe se adhik larke uske peechhe the. Lekin Prashant ko to apna jiwan sathi pahale hi mil chuka tha, isliye agar koi bhi larka uske saamne koi aisi-vaisi ichchha jahir karata to woh usko bahut buri tarah phatkarata tha. Shayad is karan se athwa waise hi, ek bar uski kaksha ke do larko ne uske saath balatkar karne ki koshish ki. Woh garmiyon ki ek sham thi aur hostel ke sab larke khelne ke liye bahar gaye hue the. Prashant ko khelon men koi ruchi nahin thi. Woh snangrih men phabbare ke neeche naha raha tha. Snangrih ki deewaren sirf karib 7 feet oonchi theen aur woh chhat ko nahin chhooti theen. Prashant ke sharir par koi bhi vastra nahin tha. Achanak Prashant ki kaksha ka ek larka snangrih ki deewar phand kar andar kood aya. Woh ekdam nirvastra tha. Usne Prashant se kaha ki woh usko apne saath sambhog karne de nahin to woh zabardasti aisa karega. Larka bahut lamba-tagra tha. Chhote kad aur duble-patle sharir ka Prashant kisi tarah bhi uska mukabla nahin kar sakta tha. Cheekhane-chillane se koi phayada nahin tha kyonki snangrih hostel (chhatrawas) ke mukhyya bhawan se bahut door, pandrah kamron ke baad ek bare kamre ke andar bane hue the. Is kamre ka mukhya darwaza us larke ne pahle hi band kar diya tha aur roshni bujha di thi.

Prashant ko kisi na kisi tarah se apni raksha karni thi. Woh larka anurodh karne se Prashant ke oopar koi daya karne wala nahin tha. Prasahnt ka mastishk tezi se kam kar raha tha aur aakhir usne bachane ka ek raasta soch hi liya. Halanki Prashant bahut ghabraya hua tha, phir bhi usne apne aapko sambhala aur larke ko samjhaya ki Prashant bhi uske saath sambhog karna chahata tha lekin snangrih men aisa karne ka kya phayada? Prashant ne us larke se kaha ki nahane ke baad woh khud hi us larke ke kamre men ayega. Aur Prashant ki chalaki kam kar gayi. Us larke ko Prashant ke oopar vishwas ho gaya aur woh jaise deewar phand kar aya tha waise hi chala gaya.

Lekin jaise hi woh gaya, Prashant ki hi kaksha ka ek aur larka jo pahale wale larke ki tarah hi hatta-katta aur lamba-tagra tha andar kood aya. Woh bhi poori tarah nirvastra tha. Use itna dhairya bhi nahin tha ki pahale wale larke se poochh leta ki woh apne maksad men kamyab hua ki nahin. Isliye Prashant ne wohi chalaki phir dohrayi aur abki baar bhi apni raksha karne men kamyaab ho gaya. Jab yeh larka ja raha tha, to buri tarah dare hue Prashant ne usse poochha ki kya koi aur larka bhi apni bari ka intzar kar raha hai. Us larke ne kaha ki nahin, aur tab Prashant ki jaan men jaan ayi.

Jab Prashant apne kamre men lauta to woh dono larke lagbhag do ghante tak Prashant ke kamre ka darwaza khakhatate rahe. Jab Prashant ne apne mitra ko yeh ghatna batayi to usne salah di ki Prashant sham ko thori der se nahaya kare jab sare larke khel kar wapas aa gaye hon. Usne Prashant ko yeh bhi salah di ki woh apne saath apni suraksha ke liye kapre silne wali ek sui bhi baathroom le jaya kare. Lekin Prashant aur uske mitra dono ne hi is ghatna ki shikayat warden se nahin karane ka nirnay liya kyonki isse Prashant ki bhi badnaami hoti.

Aaiye ab aapko Prashant ke jiwan ke us mor ke bare men batayen jiski ham charcha kar rahe the. Ek din Prashant ne ek patrika men parha ki uske nagar men do aise park hain jahan samlaingik milte hain aur apne liye saathi ki talash karte hain. Prashant ne bhi un parkon men jane ka nishchaya kar liya. Agli bar jab uski patni mayake gayi aur woh ghar men akela tha tab woh patrika men bataye gaye ek park men gaya. Pahale din usne ek 20 sal ke larke ko akele baith kar ek akhbar parhate hue dekha. Prashant usko bari der tak dekhata raha lekin uski himmat larke ke adhik pas jane ki nahin hui. Us larke ne bhi Prashant ke oopar dhyan nahin diya. Kuchh der ke bad ek aadami aya. Woh larke ke pas baithh gaya. Usne larke se uska akhabar manga aur parhane laga. Thori der ke bad woh larke se baat karane laga. Phir woh dono uthhakar park ke wahar jane lage. Aadami ne apna hath larke ki peethh par rakh diya. Kuchh der tak woh dono idhar udhar ghoomate rahe. Prashant unka peechha kar raha tha. Ant men woh parking men aa gaye. Larke ke pas motorcycle thi. Woh dono uspar baithakar chale gaye.

Agle char dino tak Prashant is tarah ke paarkon men ghoomta raha aur usne kuchh isi tarah ki aur baten dekheen lekin usko apne liye koi sathi nahin mila. Chhathhe din usko ek 25 sal ka larka ek park men akele baithe hue deekha. Larka neeche ghar ka lag raha tha aur Prashant ke layak nahin tha. Lekin Prashant ke sharir men to vasna ki aag dhadhak rahi thi. Usne lagbhag 12 varshon se kisi purush ka sparsh tak nahin kiya tha. Prashant mauka chookne ke liye taiyar nahin tha. Prashant larke ko door se dekhta raha. Jab bahut der tak koi us larke ke pas nahin aya to Prashant us larke ke aur nazdeek chala gaya aur uske charon taraf mandarane laga. Tab us larke ne bhi Prashant ko dekh liya. Usne Prashant ko ishare se apne pas bulaya aur apne pas baithane ke liye kaha. Prashant ne uski aggya ka palan kiya. Woh larka Prashant se baten karne laga. Prashant ko apne mitra se bichhare hue itna samay beet chuka tha ki yeh uske liye lagbhag ek naye anubhav ki tarah tha. Uska poora sharir uttejana se kaanp raha tha. Woh us larke ki kisi bhi baat ka jawab nahin de paa raha tha. Uski dasha bilkul waisi thi jo suhag raat men dulhan ki hoti hai. Jab us larke ne dekha ki Prashant uski kisi bhi baat ka jawab nahin de raha hai to usne kaha - Are, bolte nahin! Dhire-dhire Prashant apna sir hila kar uski baaton ka jawab dene laga aur thori der ke baad woh bhi us larke se baaten karane laga. Us larke ne Prashant ko bataya ki woh apne ghar men akela rahata hai aur agar woh chahe to raat uske saath gujar sakata hai.

Woh larka ek motor mechanic tha. Woh kisi gandi si colony men rahata tha. Prashant sochane laga ki kya use us larke ke sathh jana chahiye? Kya use ab aise logon ka saath lena parega? Woh kuchh nirnaya nahin le pa raha tha. Ant men usne us larke se kaha ki woh abhi uske saath nahin chal payega kyonki use kuchh kam hai lekin usne us larke se uska nam tatha us garage ka phone number le liya jahan woh kam karta tha.

Agle do din tak Prashant ke dil aur dimag men barabar larai chalti rahi. Uska mastishk kahata tha ki Prashant aise gande larke ke saath sharirik sambandh banane ki baat soch bhi kaise sakta hai. Lekin uska dil kahata tha ki itne lambe samay tak bina kisi purush ka sparsh kiye rahana sambhav nahin. Yeh larka bhi 6 din tak koshish karne ke baad mila hai. Aur phir do-ek din men uski patni wapas aa jayegi aur phir use kabhi mauka nahin milega. Akhirkar Prashant ke hridaya ki vijay hui. Prashant ne us larke ko phone kiya aur apne ghar ane ko kaha.

Prashant ko kya ho gaya hai? Woh kya karne ja raha hai? Aasman, too gir kyon nahin parata? Dharati, too phat kyon nahin jati? Are koi Prashant ko bachao. Prashant, tum wohi ho na jisne ek din atyant kathhin paristhitiyon men bari hoshiyari se apni kaksha ke do larkon se apne sharir ki raksha ki thi. Woh larke bare gharon ke the. Woh engineer banane wale the. Phir bhi tumne unke sathh aisa karna theek nahin samajha. Aaj tumhen kya ho gaya hai, Prashant? He Ishwar, Prashant ki raksha kar.

Lekin koi Prashant ki sahayata ke liye nahin aya. Ishwar ne uski koi madad nahin ki. Aasman apni jagah par kayam rahaa. Dharati nahin phati. Aur Prashant ne apna sharir ganda kar liya. Iktalis varsha ki ayu men Prashant ne apne sharir ki pavitrata nasht kar di, ek aise vyakti ke hathon jo adhik se adhik uska naukar hone ke layak tha. Usne samaj men apne sthan ka khyal nahin kiya. Usne apni oonchi shiksha ka bhi dhyan nahin rakha. Kaun ummeed kar sakta tha ki Prashant itna neeche gir jayega.

Aur ek bar girane ke bad Prashant phir kabhi sambhal nahin paya. Woh roz us larke ko apne ghar bulane laga jab tak uski patni laut nahin ayi. Prashant uske baad bhi nahin ruka. Woh us motor mechanic ki gandi colony ke gande ghar men jane laga. Aur us larke se use is tarah ke kai aur larkon ka bhi patm mil gaya. Ab Prashant niyamit roop se aisa karne laga. Jab kabhi bhi use samay milta hai woh un parkon men jata hai aur aise logon ko khojata hai.

Kuchh samaya pahale Prashant Internet par bhi is tarah ke logon ko khojane laga tha. Internet par sab achche gharon ke aur parhe-likhe log milte hain. Lekin Internet par doosra khatara hai. Milne se pahale aise doston ke saath kuchh samaya tak e-mail dwara patra byabhar karna parta hai. Yeh chitthhiyan pyar bhari hoti hain. Dheere-dheere aapas men pyar hone lagata hai. Prashant ko Internet par saat-aathh andekhe-anjane larkon se ek saath pyar ho gaya. Aur phir woh dard se buri tarah tarapne laga. Uske pichhale zakhma, jo ek din uske dost ne usko diye the, woh sab hare ho gaye. Isliye Prashant Internet ko pasand nahin karata. Usne ab Internet par sathiyon ki talash band kar di hai. Prashant ko samajh aa gaya hai ki use idhar-udhar muh markar apne sharir ki aag bujha lene ka hak to hai, lekin pyar karne ka koi hak nahin. Isliye gande logon ke saath sambandh rakhana hi theek hai jinse pyar nahin ho sakta.

Prashant janta hai ki jo woh kar raha hai wo galat hai. Uske dil aur dimag men hamsha larai chalti rahati hai. Kabhi kabhi uska dimag jeet jata hai. Aur tab woh idhar-udhar bhatakna band kar deta hai. Lekin karib 6 mahine men uske sharir ki aag phir se dhadhakne lagati hai aur woh phir unhin parkon men jana shuroo kar deta hai. Uske do vyaktitwa hain. Prashant ke do tukre ho gaye hain.

Prashant ko jiwan ki koi ichchha nahin. Woh mar jana chahata hai. Lekin woh atmhatya nahin kar sakta. Uske bachchon ka kya hoga? Us stri ka kya hoga jo uske saath rahati hai aur duniya jise uski patni kahati hai? Kam se kam woh usko rahane ke liye ek chhat to de raha hai. Kam se kam woh usko samajik suraksha to deta hai. Kam se kam woh uski rozmarra ki rupayon-paison ki zarooraton ko to poora karata hai.

Prashant kyon apne jiwan se itna dukhi hai? Woh apne aapko ek vidhawa kyon nahin samajh leta? Vidhawaon ko bhi to koi pyar ya sharirik sukh nahin milta. Prashant kahata hai - Ek vidhawa ko kuchh chhupana nahin parata. Logon ko uski dikkaton ka pata hota hai aur woh usse sahanubhooti rakhate hain. Kya main apni samasyayen kisi ko bata sakta hoon? Kya main apne doston ya rishtedaron se apni pareshaniyan kah sakta hoon? Apne sabse priya aur nazdiki logon se bhi apne poore vyaktitwa ko sare jiwan chhupa kar rakahne ka dard itna gahara hai ki vidhawa se meri tulana nahin ho sakati.

Ab Prashant karib 50 varsha ka ho gaya hai. Woh dekhane men ek aam adami ki tarah hi lagata hai lekin woh ek jinda lash se addhik aur kuch nahin. Woh ek shama ki tarah dhire-dhire jal aur pighal raha hai. Lekin abhi uske andar bahut mom (vax) baki hai. Uska ant abhi kahin nazar nahin ata. Samlaingikata ke alawa uski koi aisi aadat nahin jisko galat kaha ja sake. Uski ruchiyan bahut achchhi hain. Usko sirf oonche darze ka sahitya hi pasand ata hai. Samaj men barhati hui ashleelata se usko dukh hota hai. Woh cinema aur TV pasand nahin karta kyonki unka star atyant gira hua hai. Usne jiwan men kabhi paan, biri, cigarette ko haath tak nahin lagaya. Sharaab bhi woh jiwan men sirf ek bar peene laga tha jab uske bahut bure din the. Woh ghar ka bana hua khana hi pasand karata hai. Woh poori tarah shakahari hai. Uski sehat achchhi hai. Uske jiwan ka ant hone men kam se kam 25-30 sal aur lagenge. Jaise-jaise uski umar barh rahi hai, kisi purush ka pyar pane ki uski ichchha ghatane ki vajay barhati ja rahi hai. Woh kisi ek vyakti ke saath rahana chahta hai. Usko iddhar-udhar bhatakna achchha nahin lagata. Isse usko santosh nahin hota. Isse uske sharir ki pyas thori der ke liye bujh jati hai lekin uska man aur uski atma hamesha ki tarah vaise ke vaise pyase hain. Woh kisi aise purush ke saath sambandh rakhana chahata hai jisko woh pyar karata ho, jo usko pyar karata ho, jo uske saath usi ke ghar men rahata ho, jo uske saath khata-peeta ho, jo uske saath usi ke bistar par sota ho, aur jo usko kabhi akela na chhore. Lekin aisa nahin ho sakta. Samaj ise kabhi bardasht nahin karega. Uske apne tarike hain. Prashant ko apna jiwan apni tarah se jeene ka koi hak nahin. Chahe isse aur kisi ka koi nuksan hota ho ya nahin. Agar sab log is tarah se apni manmarji karate rahe to samaj ka kya hoga? Isse to samaj poori tarah bigar jayega. Iski ijajat nahin di ja sakti. Akhabaron men patramitrata ke naam par yaun sambandhon ke liye auraton aur larkiyon ko dhoondhane walon ke hazaron vigyapan rozana chhapte hain. Kya unse samaj nahin bigarta? Malish karane walon ke naam par Samlaingikon ko larke muhayya (make available, its an Urdu word) karane wale health klabon (plural of club in Hindi style) ke viggyapan khule aam dikhai dete hain. Kya isse samaj ke oopar koi asar nahin hota? Nahin, yeh sab to chalta hi rahata hai. Aisi chhoti-chhoti baaton par aapatti (objection) karna sankuchit vicharon ki nishani hai. Kya Prashant bhi apna jiwan saathi chunne ke liye akhbar men viggyapan de sakta hai? Kabhi nahin. Aisa karna galat hai. Yeh anaitik hai. Yeh Prakriti ke niyamon ke viruddha hai.

Jab hamne Prashant ko apne daftar men bulaya aur usse uske pichhale jiwan ke bare men baatcheet ki to woh bachchon ki tarah bilakh-bilakh kar rone laga aur hamare liye use chupana mushkil ho gaya. Rote-rote usne kaha - Mujhe kitana garv mahsoos hota tha jab mujhase ulti-sidhi baat karane wale larkon ko main buri tarah phatkarata tha. Main ek Sita ki tarah rahana chahata thi lekin is samaj ne mujhe veshya bana diya. Main jis tarah apne sharir ki bhookh mitane ki koshish karata phirata hoon, mujhe kisi bhi din AIDS ho jayega. Aur mujhase meri patni ko bhi yeh rog lag jayega. Agar ham dono mar gaye to hamare bachchon ka kya hoga?

Prashant age kahata hai - Aaj is mamooli sarkari naukari par hi maine santosh kar liya hai. Aur kuchh karane, aage barhane ki meri sab ichchhayen mar gayi hain. Mere vyaktitwa ka poora vikas nahin ho paya. Agar mere mitra ke saath meri shaadi ho sakti to ham saath milkar koi bari company kholte athawa koi udyog sthapit karate. Hamari apni bhi tarakki hoti aur ham desh ki unnati men bhi haath bantate. Lekin samaj ko yeh sab manzoor nahin tha. Usko to meri ichchhaon aur abhilashaon ko kuchalne aur mera tatha mere saath meri patni aur mere bachchon ka jiwan barbad kar dene men adhik ruchi thi. Kya bigar jata is samaj ka agar yeh mujhe apne dost ke saath rahane deta? Ham koi apradh nahin karate, auraton ke saath balatkar nahin karate, aur to aur ham bachche paida karke is desh ki jansankhya bhi nahin barhate. Maine bina kisi karan ke is dharati ki abadi men do log aur jor diye. Agar hamen bachchon ka shauk hota to ham anaath bachchon ko god lekar unhen ek ghar dete.

woh jawan larkon ke mata-pitaon ko salah deta hai - Agar aapka larka bina kisi karan barabar shaadi ke liye mana karata rahata ho to usse poochhiye ki kya woh samlaingik hai, aur agar uska jawab haan men hai to yeh samay hai jab use aap ke poore pyar aur dekhbhal ki zaroorat hai, us samay se bhi jyada jab woh ek shishu tha. Usse grina na karen. Usmen koi burai nahin hai. Use koi bimari nahin hai. Woh ekdam samanya hai. Woh ek achchha larka hai. Sirf woh doosron se alag hai. Use shaadi ke liye bilkul mazboor na karen. Shaadi kar dene se woh vishamlangik nahin ho jayega. Usse poochiye ki uska sabse achchha dost kuan hai. Woh kiske saath jiwan bitana pasand karega. Aur jab woh aapko bata de to uske dost ke mata-pita se baat karke un dono ke liye ek alag ghar ka prabandha kar den, agar ho sake to kisi doosre shahar men jahan aapka koi saga-sambandhi na rahata ho. Aur un dono ko aashirwad dena na bhoolen, jaise ki aap apne bete-bahoo ko dete. Yeh bilkul na sochen ki woh dono aapas men koi ganda kaam karne wale hain kyoki aapka beta aur bahoo bhi yahi karate. Agar aap is samay apna kartavya poora karane men chook gaye to aap ka dulara beta, aap ke kaleje ka tukra, aap ki ankhon ka tara jiwan bhar jinda aag men jalega. Uska hal sati se bhi bura hoga. Sati men ek bar jalate the, usko sara jiwan jalna parega.

Prashant kahata hai - Mujhe shaadi karni pari kyonki mera koi dost nahin tha aur milne ki koi ummeed bhi nahin thi. Agar mera dost mujhe is duniya men akela na chhor deta to main kabhi bhi shaadi ke liye razi na hota chahe main uske saath rah pata ya nahin. Jab main shaadi ke liye raazi hua to mere hridaya men bahut sari mili-juli bhavnayen theen. Mere mata-pita aur doosre log mujhe itne samay se pareshan kar rahe the ki mera dil vidroh kar uthha. Woh chillane laga - Are moorkhon, tum kyon nahin samajh sakte ki mujhe koi pareshani hai? Theek hai, agar tum yeh chahate ho to yahi sahi. Agar tum chahate ho ki main ek larki ka jiwan barbad kar doon to aisa hi hoone do. Main bhool gaya ki vidroh karke main sirf apna, us larki ka jiske saath meri shaadi hoti aur apne hone wale bachchon ka nuksan kar raha hoon. Aur kisi ka isse kuchh nahin bigra. Mere mata-pita to araam se swarg sidhar gaye aur jo apne aap ko mera hitaishi samajhate the unhone murkar bhi nahin dekha ki ham kaisi jindagi gujaar rahe hain. Ab main bari shiddat (urdu word) ke saath mahsoos karta hoon ki vidrooh karne aur galat kadam uthhane ki vajay mujhe apni vastavikta apne mata-pita ko bata deni chahiye thi. Thore sahas se kaam lekar mujhe apne pitaji ko ek chitthi likhkar bata dena chahiye tha agar seedhe baat karna sambhav nahin tha. Isse bahut si samasyayen hal ho jateen.

Prashant apne jaise larkon ko salah deta hai - Kabhi samaj ke dawab ke aage jhukkar shaadi na karo. Tumhare jiwan par sirf tumhara hak hai kisi aur ka nahin. Tumhare mata-pita ka bhi nahin. Samaj to tumhara gala kaat dalega agar tumne uski baat mani to. Meri barbad jindagi se sabak lo. Apne saath aisa kabhi na hone do jo maine hone diya. Aajkal Internet ke maadhyam se tumko apne layak jiwan saathi asani se mil sakata hai. Kuchh patrikaon men bhi samlaingikon ke aise viggyapan chhapane lage hain jinmen woh mitrata ke liye saathi dhoondhate hain. Jyadatar larke kuchh samay ke sharirik sambandhon ke liye hi viggyapan dete hain lekin inheen viggyapanon ko vaivahik viggyapan ki tarah istemaal kiya ja sakta hai. Apne layak ek larka dhoondh lo aur uske sath jiwan bhar raho. Apne liye alag ghar le lo. Apne mata-pita ke saath mat raho. Aur bahut sawdhani se raho. Samaj tumhare khilaph hai. Sari duniya tumhare khilaph hai. Ishhwar bhi tumhare khilaph hai. Thora sa jhagra ho jane se apne saathi ko chhor dena tumhare liye bahut asaan hai kyonki samaj ka tumhare oo par koi bandhan nahin hai. Isliye apne liye bandhan tumhen khud taiyar karna hai. Apne aapko apne saathi ke saath doosre tarikon se bandho. Aarthik roop se usko apne saath bandh lo. Bari-bari cheezen jaise makan, gari adi milkar kharido. Bare nivesh saath-saath karo. Aur rupaye-paise ka koi hisaab mat rakho. Aur apne dost ko bahut pyar karo. Jo kuch tumhare pas hai sab usko do. Kabhi bhi uske saath bewafaai mat karo. Anek logon ke saath sharirik sambandhon ke peechhe mat dauro. Aisa sukh tumko bahut mil jayega. Lekin sachcha pyar kahin nahin milega. Woh sirf tumhen tumhara jiwan saathi hi de sakta hai.

Prashant ka kahana hai - Samlaingik hamare samaj men sabse ganda shabd hai. Usko nali men rengane wale gande keeron se bhi adhik ganda samajha jata hai. Log uske oo par hansate hain, uska majak urate hain, usse beintaha (unlimited, Urdu word) nafrat karate hain, aur usko gandi se gandi galiyan dete hain. Woh logon ke liye achhoot hai. Kyon? Kya sirf isliye ki woh doosron se alag hai? Athawa isliye ki us jaise logon ki sankhya bahut kam hai (I do not want to use the word alpa-sankhyak here because in India it is normally used for religious minorities)? Ya isliye ki woh sharirik sambandhon ke liye logon ko dhoondhata phirata hai? Lekin bahut se aam log bhi aisa karate hain. Agar ek samlaingik aisa karata hai to isliye ki yeh uski mazbori hai. Uske paas doosra raasta nahin. Lekin vishamlangik to sirf indriyon ka adhik se adhik mazaa lootne ke liye aisa karate hain. Is par bhi unko kisi vishesh asamman ki drishti se nahin dekha jata. Koi unse nafrat nahin karata. Woh kisi ke liye achhoot nahin hain. Prashant ek aise vivahit vyakti ko janata hai jiske do bachche hain aur jo 45 varsh ki ayu men 35 se adhik striyon ke saath sharirik sambandh sthapit kar chuka hai aur jo bare garv ke saath apne mitron ke beech iska ailan karta phirta hai. Uska koi apman nahin karata. Usse koi nafrat nahin karata. Log usse samanya roop se hi baat karate hain jabaki sabko uski is adat ka pata hai. Yahan tak ki Prashant bhi usse samanya roop se hi baat karata hai kyonki woh Prashant ka samman karata hai aur Prashant uske vyaktigat jiwan men jhankane ka koi karan nahin paata.

Prashant ki logon ko salah hai - Jab kabhi aap kisi samlaingik ko dekhen to usse ghrina karane ya uska mazak urane ki vajay aap sochen ki woh kitna abhaga hai. Woh kitni mushkil se apna jiwan bita raha hoga. Ishwar ne usse woh adhikar bhi chheen rakha hai jo sab manushyon, janwaron, pakshiyon, yahan tak ki keeron ko bhi prapt hai. Jo mujhe roz bina kisi prayatn ke milta hai uske liye use hafton aur mahinon tak shahar ke parkon aur aisi doosri jagahon par bhatakna parata hai. Aur phir bhi use sirf do pal ka sharirik sukh hi naseeb hota hai. Aur jisse use yeh sukh milta hai use woh pyar nahin kar sakta. Woh kisi se pyar nahin kar sakta. Yeh uska kitna bara durbhagya hai. Mujhe uske saath sahanubhooti aur samman se baat karani chahiye. Ham sabko milkar pratiggya karni chahiye ki ham Ishwar ki is galti ko sudharenge. Ham usko bhi vivah ka adhikar denge. Usko bhi insanon ki tarah rahane ka hak hai. Samlaingik kisi se kam nahin hain. Woh bhi parhe-likhe log hain. Woh bhi samaj ke liye kam karate hain aur desh ki tarakki men barabar ka haath bantaaten hain. Samaj unki mehnat ka poora phayada uthhata hai. Lekin woh badle men unko kya deta hai - apmaan, galiyaan, ghrina, aansoo, dukh aur dard. Ham itne swarthi kaise ho sakte hain?

Prashant kahata hai - Agar phir bhi aa pko lagata hai ki samlaingik gande log hain to unko jinda na rakhiye, unko maar daliye. Unke liye aisi jagahon ki vyawastha kariye jahan unko koi teekha zahar diya jata ho jisse turant unki maut ho jaye. Ya to unhen unka hak deejiye ya unhen mar daliye. Iske alaawa doosra rasta nahin hai.

Prashant chetawani deta hai - Mera bhaggya achchha tha ki mejhe apni kishoravastha ke samaapta hote hi ek aisa saathi mil gaya jiske saath main 11 varsh tak raha. Mere jaise adhiktar log itne bhaggyawan nahin hote. Vayask hote hi woh anekon vyaktiyon ke saath sharirik sambandh sthapit karna shuroo kar dete hain aur aisa unki mrityu tak chalta rahata hai. Ek samlaingik jiwan men sainkaron logon ke saath sambandh sthapit karata hai. Aur woh koi sawdhani nahin baratate hain kyonki condom unke liye nahin bana hai. Woh phat jata hai. Iske alaawa unke liye mukh-maithun bahut mahatwapoorna hai aur ismen condom ka istemal nahin ho sakta. Rubber ko koi bhi vyakti apne muh (mouth) ke andar nahin le sakta. Aajkal Internet tatha kuchh patrikaon ki madad se unke liye saathi dhoondhana bahut assan ho gaya hai. Bhavishya men AIDS aur doosre yaun rog bahut tezi ke saath phailenge aur auraton ko bhi apni chapet men le lenge kyonki harek samlaingik ki shaadi antatah ho hi jati hai. Is prakar vishamlaingik bhi in beemariyon ki chapet men aa jayenge. Log nahin samajh rahe hain ki woh ek jwalamukhi ke oopar baithhe hue hain.

Prashant ka kahana hai - Samlaingikta ke virodh men sirf ek tark hai ki isse bachche paida nahin ho sakte. Lekin kya hamko aur bachchon ki zaroorat hai? Aaj manavata ki sabse bari samasya kya hai? Had se jyada abadi barha kar vishamlangikon ne is dharati par tabahi macha rakhi hai. Kisi bhi samaj men samlaingik sirf do pratishat hote hain. Agar do pratishat log bachche paida na karen to isse kitna bara nuksaan ho jayega? Aur agar sach men hi kisi samaya hamen aur bachchon ki avashyakta parati hai to samlaingik apna veerya daan de sakte hain aur koi bhi zarooratmand stri kritrim garbhadhan ke dwara santaan paida kar sakti hai. Chikitsa vigyan pragati kar raha hai. Bachche paida karane ke aur bahut tarike khoje jane wale hain. Human cloning ki baat to chal hi rahi hai. Yahan tak sunne men aya hai ki purush bhi bachche paida kar sakte hain aur doodh bhi pila sakte hain. Sirf bachche paida karane ke liye samlaingiko aur vishamlangikon ki shaadi karwakar unke jiwan ko barbad kar dena kahan ki buddhimani hai?

Ab Prashant ne apni samasyaon ka ek samadhan socha hai. Uske paas shahar ki ek achchhi colony men ek ghar hai jiski keemat karib chalees lakh rupaye hogi. Uske paas karib bees lakh rupaya bankon (plural of bank, Hindi style) adi men jama hai. Yeh uske jiwan ki sari jamapoonji hai. Uske paas ek car tatha ghar ki zaroorat ki aur sabhi cheezen bhi hain. Is sab sampatti ke badale kya use koi aisa vyakti nahin mil sakta jo uski patni se shaadi karke uske bachchon ko baap ka pyar de sake. Uski patni apni ayu ke hisab se bahut sundar hai aur uske bachche bare pyare hain. Sahi umar ka koi bhi vyakti Prashant ko sweekar hoga vasharte ki voh uski patni ko pyar kar sake. Prashant apni sampatti ko apni patni tatha us vyakti ke beech barabar-barabar baant dega. Phir woh kisi door ke shahar jakar nakli nam se kisi hotel men thhahar jayega aur neend ki goliyan khakar apne is ghrinit jiwan ka ant kar lega. Kisi ko pata nahin chalega ki marane wala kaun tha aur usne aisa kadam kyon uthhaya. Ek aisi galati jo Iswar ne ki, jisko samaj nahin sudhar saka, Prashant theek karane ke liye taiyar hai. Usne Internet par apni patni ka sara vivran rakh diya hai aur jawabon ka intazar kar raha hai.

Is sansar men uske jaise lakhon-karoron Prashant hain. Aur bahut sare aur janmm lenge.

Kitne aur Prashanton ko teri apni pasand, jo toone doosron par thop rakhi hai, ki balivedi par apna jiwan kurban karana parega isse pahale ki teri neend khule?

Prashant's Story - In English

2009-08-12T08:51:00.001-07:00

Prashant (not his real name) was very good in his studies. Throughout his academic career in school and college, he always stood first in his class and received one scholarship or the other, at district level, state level and at national level. After finishing his schooling, he went to the most prestigious Engineering College of the country, one of the IIT's, to study Computer Science. At IIT also, he passed with flying colours and then took admission in IIM for a post graduate degree in management and even before he could finish his degree, he got a well-paid job in a multinational company in a big city of India. Lucky chap, wasn't he? Well, read on if you think so.

Besides giving all the above virtues to him, God had also chosen to make Prashant a homosexual. While in first year in college, he fell in love with one of his classmates. It all started with a short kiss for which his classmate had approached him. While Prashant allowed his mate, who was a very handsome boy, to have it, simultaneously he also kindled a small fire of love for his friend in his heart which became bigger and bigger as their physical relations became more and more intimate and within six months time when their relations reached the ultimate, he was already in deep love with his friend. What about his friend? He had fallen in love with Prashant, as he told Prashant later, the moment he saw him. Unable to remain separate even for a moment, they became two bodies with one soul. Always ready to help each other, they started living like husband and wife. Requesting the warden, they changed their rooms and became roommates. If one of them fell sick, the other used to take complete care of him which sometimes meant keeping awake full night. Prashant being better in studies than his friend, started helping him so that his friend's score also improved. Prashant's friend taught him scooter driving. In short, they were all for each other. Both of them were about 18 at that time.

In teenage, many boys start developing drinking habits. In their class also several boys started drinking. When Prashant saw these symptoms in his friend, he asked him not to indulge in this dirty habit. His friend promised him to stop this, but when Prashant saw him drinking for the second time, he warned his friend that he will sever all his relations with him if he did not give up the habit immediately and once for all. This brought his friend to the right path and his drinking habits were nipped in the bud. Same thing happened with smoking and Prashant refrained his friend from developing this habit also. Those were the happiest days of Prashant's life, or were the only days, as Prashant now says, when he lived. Other times of his life he has just spent or is spending without any purpose or meaning.

The Engineering degree course was of five years' duration. The last one year was very traumatic for Prashant. He started thinking what will happen after they pass out. Will he have to separate from his friend? Even the thought of it was terrifying. What can be done about it? He started making several plans. Can they take the job in the same city? It was not impossible. Initially, one of them will have to be content with a slightly inferior job. This was not much of a problem. It could be tolerated. However, his friend told him that it was not going to work, as soon their parents would start asking them for marriage and they will not be able to live together in the same house. Should they, then, run away from their homes and start life in an unknown city? This was also not acceptable to Prashant's friend, as it would mean that they were dead for their parents and other family members. Prashant finally suggested that if they couldn't live together, then they would remain unmarried throughout their lives, be faithful to each other and meet whenever possible. After all, some normal husbands and their wives also live in different cities due to various reasons like job or business etc. But this was also not acceptable to his friend who said that it was not practical and the family and society would not let them do this. Nothing appeared to be working,

Time was fast running out. When it was only six months for their final examinations, Prashant started weeping bitterly sometimes in private and sometimes before his friend. His friend used to console him. He said that it may not be possible for them to live together, but they can remain in contact through letters. Though away from one another, they can still live like good friends and help each other in life. And whenever possible, they could meet also. However, it was no consolation for Prashant. This was not acceptable to him at all. He thought, after his friend marries, a girl would be his wife and what would he be? His keep? Impossible! If his urge becomes that great, he would pay to any beggar on the street and have it with him rather than giving himself the status of a keep. If he took his friend's suggestion then simultaneously he would also have to take a pledge that he would never never meet his partner again in his life, because if he met, his urge would not let him remain away from his friend. And if this happens, if his friend even touches the tip of his finger, at the very moment Prashant would fall in his own eyes. His body would become dirty and unholy. What was the use of having such a relation in which he had to take such a pledge?

When it was only one month left for their separation, Prashant started preparing himself for the inevitable. He made his heart hard like a rock, stopped crying, kept himself busy in his studies, and talked very little to his friend. His bodily relations with his friend almost stopped.

When the time for separation finally came, Prashant's friend took him in his arms for the last time and kissed him softly. The five year old relations which started with a kiss were ending with another. Tears wanted to roll out of Prashant's eyes but he forcibly controlled himself. He just gave a blank look to his friend and separated from him.

When Prashant reached his home, he was not in his senses. He did not know what he was doing, what he was saying, where he was going. It was as if an unseen force was driving him. As if he was mesmerized. At his home, it was an atmosphere of joy and happiness every where. Prashant had returned as an Engineer. His parents, brothers and sisters, friends and neighbours, everybody was so happy. Every body wanted to celebrate. In their celebration nobody looked at Prashant or could see what was going on inside him. As Prashant's condition stabilized a little, he tried to look normal as far as possible. When anybody offered a pleasantry he returned a smile. When somebody cut a joke he laughed. But nobody could feel that Prashant's smiles were empty and his laughs were hollow.

For Prashant life had been a bed of roses so far but now a hard and rough surface was under his feet. Prashant was hardly 23 and the life had already finished for him. While at college, he was not able to remain separate from his friend even for a moment. He used to come home only in semester breaks when the holidays were for fifteen days or more. In shorter holidays he preferred to remain at hostel with his friend. Prashant started thinking what would be his life without his friend. How was he going to spend all his life without him now? He felt suffocated. He was undergoing acute pain. His condition was that of an out-of-water fish. During the last one year at college, Prashant used to forget his problems only when he was busy in his studies. But now there was nothing to study. His friend's face always remained before his eyes. He was unable to forget him even for a moment.

Near the outskirts of Prashant's town used to flow a small stream. Prashant would go there in the evening and sit near its bank. He used to think about the times he spent with his friend and also about what was in store for him. Tears would invariably come out of his eyes. Since there used to be nobody around at that time he made no efforts to stop them. Warm water of Prashant's eyes and cold water of the stream used to flow together. When it became too dark, he would return. Sometimes he would think what if he jumped into the stream! Within a second, there would be an end to his tale of woes. But what would happen to his parents, who were so proud of him? What he was undergoing now will have to be borne by his parents. How would they be able to bear his loss, a loss of their 23 year old son when he was not able to bear the separation from his friend with whom he spent only about five years.

Prashant spent next three months with great difficulty and in acute pain. He used to get some relief only when he received a letter from his friend or when he was writing one to him. They used to write once in fifteen days. Mostly they wrote about the jobs appearing in newspaper, how to get application forms, where to apply and so on.

And then Prashant got admission in IIM. It was a great relief for him. At IIM he would be able to keep himself busy, he thought. He would also be able to meet his friend occasionally because he would get single room there. After joining IIM and settling there, the first thing which Prashant did was to invite his friend. When his friend came and took him in his arms, both of them started crying. Both were trying to persuade each other not to cry but both were crying themselves. Soon they realized that it was not possible for any of them to control his tears and so they let them flow freely. It was after more than three months that they were seeing each other. They were never away for such a long time before. There was so much to talk, so much to tell, so much to listen. Mostly they wanted to tell each other how difficult it was for them to remain separated. Prashant's friend stayed with him for three days and then he left. After this Prashant started calling his friend every three to four months for two-three days.

Once Prashant received a letter from his friend in which he had written that his parents hoped that immediately after passing out he would get a good job. However, it had not happened so even after six months and therefore the behaviour of his parents had become rude towards him. In a very sentimental letter his friend wrote that nobody except Prashant loved him in this world and therefore either he should call him to his hostel or he should come to his home. Prashant was very sad to read this. He knew that while he himself was very emotional, his friend was not so. Still he had written such a letter. It sure meant that he was having really tough time. His friend whom he loved more than his life was in trouble. What he could do to help him? Neither his friend could live indefinitely at IIM hostel nor was it possible for Prashant to live at his friend's home. Prashant only wrote to his friend that he should not lose heart and have courage. He also wrote that it was not possible for an engineer to remain unemployed for long. Soon he would get a good job and then everything will be alright.

Next time when Prashant's friend visited him, Prashant noticed that his friend had only one pair of good clothes. The same evening he bought two pairs of best clothes and presented them to his friend. His friend was surprised and asked why he was doing this since they had never gifted anything to each other before, not even when they were together at college since they were too close to each other and were beyond such formalities. Prashant replied that since they were unable to live together, it was possible for his friend to forget him. He added that whenever he would put on those clothes he would remember him. Though Prashant was managing only on scholarship and was not taking any money from home, he was very happy to offer the present to his friend.

After some time Prashant received a letter from his friend that he had got a job and the behaviour of his parents was also good now. After completing his MBA Prashant also got a job. Now Prashant also started visiting his friend. They used to visit each other every five-six months for two to three days.

Thus they remained in touch for six more years after leaving the college. The next turn in Prashant's life came when he received a letter from his friend in which he informed that his marriage had been fixed and he would be getting married on a particular date. For last seven to eight years of Prashant's eleven years association with his friend, he had always been telling Prashant that a day would definitely come when he would have to marry. On the other hand Prashant could never accept the reality and always persuaded his friend to remain unmarried all his life. Now the time had come for Prashant to accept the reality. But Prashant was still not prepared for this. Prashant could simply not imagine his friend to be in somebody else's arms. The thought was acutely painful to him. Not knowing what to do, he did not reply to his friend's letter. After a few days he received another letter from his friend in which he had apologized to Prashant and wrote that he was helpless. Prashant still did not reply. Third letter came from his friend in which he had again asked Prashant to forgive him adding that the things were beyond his control. Prashant did not reply to this letter either. Then the letters form his friend stopped. About fifteen days passed. Prashant was restless. He wrote to his friend to visit him. His friend came and stayed for about a week with him. Prashant asked him to cancel the marriage. His friend was not to agree at all. Prashant then threatened to commit suicide and said that on his dead body only he would be able to marry. Ultimately his friend agreed and then only Prashant allowed him to leave. It was decided that immediately after reaching his place, Prashant's friend would send an anonymous letter to the girl's side telling them that the boy was of a lower caste than they had disclosed.

As per the agreement, Prashant's friend was supposed to keep him informed of the developments. However, Prashant did not listen anything from his friend for about fifteen days. The day of his friend's marriage also passed. Still he had no information. Prashant then decided to visit his friend's native place and after performing overnight train journey he reached there. He found that his friend's marriage had already taken place. His friend did not talk to him much. He only said that since everything was at the final stage, he did not think it proper to do anything for cancellation of the marriage. Completely shattered and broken, Prashant returned.

Sun was still shining, rivers were still flowing, flowers yet blossomed and the birds still chirped but the world had changed for Prashant. Everything had finished for him. Now Prashant was all alone in this world. His friend had left him forever to wander in this vast world. Prashant locked himself in his room and started drinking. He was the same Prashant who had one day refrained his friend from drinking. Today he was drinking himself. He stopped going to his work and drank continuously. But wine was not helping him at all. Not even for a single moment Prashant could forget his friend. The charming face of his friend always remained before his eyes. Prashant was completely alone in this world. His only companion of those days was an old servant who used to cook for him and did other household chores. When Prashant did not attend his work for about two months he lost his multinational job.

Prashant spent about six months in this shattered state of mind. He was away from his home-town in a distant state. He did not write anything to his parents because there was no hope of getting any help. On the contrary, his problems would have increased. He would have faced an volley of questions, how it happened, what are you doing now, you come here, try for another job and so on. After six months his pain started reducing a little. Now he started looking towards other things. The first major responsibility was to look for another job. His accumulated savings of last four years had almost been fully spent on wine and other requirements. He started applying for jobs and after about two months he got a job in a Govt. company. This job was much inferior to his multinational job. But Prashant had no other alternative than to accept it.

This job was in a city which was closer to his home-town. After he got settled in his new job and city, his parents started visiting him and started pressurizing him for marriage. Prashant simply refused. He said that he did not even want to talk about it. However, he found that gradually not only his parents, but his relatives, friends, colleagues, neighbours and everybody in the world whom he knew started pressurizing him for it. Whenever anybody came to meet him, he only talked about his marriage and nothing else. It appeared to him that there was no other topic in this world for the people to talk about other than his marriage. The people simply did not give up. He talked to them rudely, almost insulted them, even told them to leave his place, but with no result. The people appeared to have infinite patience. Whosoever had a girl of marriageable age in this world, started visiting Prashant in his house and office. God alone knew from where did they all get his home and office addresses. Prashant got tired of saying no to them.

Prashant's health had been severely affected during last eight months due to his sorry state of mind and taking excessive wine. Moreover in this new place he used to eat outside since he did not know cooking. Many times he felt lazy to go to a hotel and slept hungry. This also affected his health badly. He started falling sick very often and had continuous fever. Sometimes he would start shivering in office and his colleagues would point it out to him. When Prashant visited the doctors, they gave him medicines but advised not to take them on empty stomach. Many times Prashant could not take the medicines since he neither wanted to cook nor wanted to go out to eat at the restaurant.

Prashant had an elder sister who was not having good relations with her husband and her in-laws. She had hired a house for her and was living separately along with her children. This was continuing for several years and there appeared no possibility for rapprochement. Her husband was not giving her any financial support and she managed on her own with difficulty. Prashant thought, if she can live separately in the same town, then she can live with him also in his city. This way Prashant will have someone to look after him and her sister's financial problems will also be solved. He, therefore, after some persuasion, brought his sister and her children to live with him. However, all their relatives, friends, and neighbours etc. started asking why she was living with Prashant. Such questions were being put to both Prashant and his sister. Prashant boldly told that his sister's in-laws were not treating her well and therefore she would now live with him. But this was no satisfactory answer for the people. Everybody had a daughter, either his own, or his relative's, or his friend's or somebody else's whom he wanted to marry with Prashant. Therefore the solution which Prashant and his sister had found to help each other was not acceptable to them at all. It was almost a crime for them. People started telling his sister that she purposely wanted that Prashant does not marry so that she keeps getting financial help from him. They started so much interference in Prashant's house that his sister became mentally imbalanced and started quarelling with Prashant and in less than six months she had to return.

And this was the time when Prashant started thinking about his marriage. Somebody was required to take care of him. It was four years since his friend got married. He had no news about him since then. Neither would he ever like to get any throughout his life. Prashant also knew that he would not get any other partner. After all, homosexuals are not available on demand. Especially one who may live with him for his life. Every day thousands of matrimonials are published in newspapers but not even a single one is for him. He had already accepted the reality that he would have to live without sex for his remaining life. With nobody to give courage to him, with no possibility of getting any help from any where, with nobody to show him the right path, he decided that the next time if any proposal came he would not say no. He had been resisting it for about ten years, but now he would surrender before the family and society pressure and his circumstances. What about sex with his wife? Prashant planned that he would do acting in bed to please her.

And sooner than he thought, it happened. Relations in our country for the boys of marriageable age are available in such a great number that even before your asking for one, hundreds will be ready. His parents brought a relation and in a weak moment, by a nod of his head he accepted it and Prashant's 'marriage' was performed. Thus was committed by Prashant the biggest mistake of his life. And another tale of Prashant's woes started. Prashant could not give shape to his plan of acting in bed. He could not perform at all. He did not have any taste for his wife's body though she was very beautiful. He did not like a woman's touch. He hated it. It used to be over before he started. In less than five minutes everything used to get finished. It was a burden on him. He was scared of the nights. Come evening and he wished that he could run away somewhere. He felt like getting raped every time he did it. And his frequency became lower and lower. Initially it was once a week, then it reduced to once a month and finally once in several months. However, Prashant got two children with his relations from his wife within five years, first a daughter and then a son.

It is evening. Prashant has returned from office. His wife has had a hair-cut and has put on a new sari. She expects Prashant to tell whether the beautician has done a good job. She also wants to know how the sari looks on her. However, Prashant does not say anything as he has not noticed anything. All day his wife has been alone waiting for him. Now she wants to talk to him. She prepares tea for him and herself and sits near him, her body touching Prashant's. Her touch is uncomfortable for Prashant. However, he tolerates. His wife starts talking. Within a few minutes her touch becomes very uncomfortable for Prashant and he shifts a little to avoid her touch. His wife notices it. She is hurt. She stops talking and looks at Prashant. Prashant is avoiding her looks and seeing somewhere else. She controls her feelings and again starts talking. Several things have happened in the day. She wants to tell everything to Prashant. One of her friends has bought a new type of dress. She also wants to buy a similar one. She knows that if she asks for money, Prashant would give it to her, but she wants Prashant to accompany her to the market and help her in selecting a good one. Summer vacations are approaching. The neighbours are going on an excursion trip to a hill station. She also wants to go for a trip with Prashant, not necessarily to a hill station, just to some near- by place. The maidservant is asking for more money. She wants an advice from Prashant. She keeps on asking questions but Prashant doesn't reply to any. She repeats her questions but still no response comes from Prashant. She realizes that whatever she has been talking for last ten minutes, Prashant has not heard anything. She is deeply hurt. She gives an ugly look to Prashant, gets up, goes to the bedroom, and lies down. Within a few minutes, Prashant listens the sounds of her sobbing. He is dumbstruck. He knows that he must go to the bedroom, take her in his arms, console her, and assure her that he loves her. But he has only his sympathies for her and no love. He will have to do acting. All his life he has been doing acting. He is tired of acting. No more acting now. He keeps sitting, glued to his place, listening to her sobbing, his head bowed down in shame.

Prashant prefers to sit alone and remain lost in his memories. He has lived a long life. He has a wealth of memories, the painful moments which he has lived. He keeps thinking about them. And when the tears roll out of his eyes, he gets relief. This is the only pleasure, he can hope for. This is the only happiness he will ever get in his life.

Lost in his memories, Prashant is thinking - He had come to his home in semester break. There he had fallen sick. He had very high fever in the night and was lying in bed in almost semi-conscious state. In the morning when he woke up, his elder sister, who had been nursing him, had asked - Prashant, who is R.....? Prashant was stunned. He has not told anybody in this world about his friend. How, then, does she know his name? He started stammering - N...N...No...No...Nobody! Nobody? - His sister was surprised - But you were taking his name in your sleep. You were calling him. Several feelings developed in Prashant's heart. Anxiety, happiness, worry, satisfaction, shyness. However, hiding all his feelings, Prashant maintained - I do not know anything. I might be dreaming something. His sister had not argued much with him and the matter was forgotten.

After returning to the hostel, Prashant had told his friend about it. As he was narrating the incidence, his friend kept staring at him in disbelief. Then suddenly he pulled Prashant towards himself and holding him tightly in his arms, started kissing him like a mad. Prashant tried to say - What happened...O dear...why? However, his friend had not allowed him to say anything. He had sealed Prashant's lips with his own. After his passion subsided, he lifted Prashant's chin and looked straight into his eyes. Prashant could clearly see - His friend's eyes were moist and he was asking - Prashant, you love me so much? Why you love me so much Prashant? What have I given you? Prashant wanted to say several things. He wanted to say - You have given me the purpose of life. You have given me the meaning of living. I am nothing without you. You are like Sun and I am like earth. I keep revolving around you. You are like God and I am a soul. I want to get assimilated in you. I want to lose my identity into yours. You are a big and strong shady tree and I am a thin and weak creeper. I cannot grow without your support. However, Prashant could not say anything. He simply hid his face in his friend's wide chest. Yet his beating heart said everything and through the soft warmth of his body his friend listened everything. He kept Prashant in his arms for a long time affectionately combing his hair by his fingers as if Prashant was a small child. Where is his shady tree today? Why he has been snatched away from his arms? The thin and weak creeper has fallen on the ground. It will never grow now. It is lying there unattended, uncared-for, waiting for its long, slow and painful death.

Prashant's wife was a postgraduate in science. She was a sweet natured girl. But now, her behaviour has become very bad. She has become abnormal as she did not get any love or proper sex from Prashant. She has started quarreling with Prashant on all small and big issues, keeps shouting on him, abuses him and his family members, curses her own parents that they married her to Prashant and so on. She also many times hits Prashant and sometimes even slaps him. She speaks in such an abusive and vulgar language which even the prostitutes at a brothel would be ashamed to listen. Prashant tolerates all this because he knows that he is at fault, because he had no right to marry her, because he has spoiled her life. He must tolerate it because he is a sinner, because his habits are dirty, because the society hates him, because the God's curse has fallen on him, because he is a homosexual. But sometimes, he loses his patience and he also starts shouting in equally abusive language and hits his wife. They start physically fighting like a dog and a cat. Even a lowest class labourer or sweeper will be shocked to see them fighting like this. All this they do right in front of their children and when their neighbours are listening. Nobody can imagine that both of them are highly qualified. The matter ends after Prashant has badly hit his wife using not only his hands but also legs and after she starts crying and locks herself in the bedroom. The children remain frightened. For two to three days no food is cooked at home, and both Prashant and his wife remain hungry. For the children, Prashant gets something from a nearby restaurant.

While Prashant has no affection for his wife, he loves his children very much. He explains it like this - a normal man equally divides his love between his wife and children, but in my case it is all concentrated on my children only. However, it has made an adverse affect on his wife. She has became jealous of her own children because they get so much love from Prashant and she doesn't get any, and she frequently beats and abuses them without any reason, she does not give them food, does not care about their studies. She says when nobody cares about her, why should she take care of anybody. Many times when Prashant returns from office, he finds his children in tears telling him that their mother has hit them badly and has not given them anything for lunch. And she would not cook dinner either as she has closed herself in her room. Then Prashant cooks for his children. He does not know much cooking, only a few simple things he can prepare. Sometimes Prashant also becomes arrogant. He has returned hungry and tired from his office. There are problems in office also which he has to attend and solve. Then there are so many problems at home. He cannot do anything for these children. Who asked them to take birth in his home? If this is their fate then he cannot help. And he also does not cook for them. That day his children sleep hungry.

Late in the night when Prashant's anger subsides, he gets up and goes to the children's room. He wants to give some food to them, or perhaps he can warm up milk for them. But the children are fast asleep. It is not proper to wake them up at this hour. Prashant's heart goes out to his children. What is their fault? Why they have to suffer so much? He sits near them on their bed and passes his fingers in their hair and kisses them. Then he consoles himself that in the morning he would get up very early and prepare something for them and will keep it ready before the children get up.

Why is Prashant's wife so cruel towards her own children? It is because Prashant loves them. They are the only thing which Prashant has got from his life. They are an asset to him. He forgets his miseries when he sees their face. He feels happy when he takes them in his arms. Prashant's wife knows it very well. Prashant is her enemy. Where should one attack one's enemy? Definitely where one is weakest. Prashant's children are his weakness. Therefore being cruel to the children will hurt Prashant to the maximum. She has long back forgotten that they are the same children whom she protected in her belly for nine months.

Prashant's children, who are not getting any love from their mother, are growing abnormal. Their growth is retarded and they are poor in their studies. Yes, the children of such an eminent father are poor in studies. They love Prashant very much from whom they get the love of father as well as mother. But Prashant cannot live with them throughout the day. He has to attend office. They have to live with their mother whom they are very much afraid of. Prashant's children will grow up eccentric and abnormal. They will marry and give rise to unhappy and abnormal families. And the chain will continue.

Who is at fault? Prashant, who had no desire for a woman's body, whom the society forcibly married to a woman and who could not act in bed? His wife, who never got any thing from her husband which was her right and who became a half lunatic? Their children, who never got any love from their mother and who are constantly living in fear? Who will answer this question?

Shouldn't Prashant be content with what he has got? Shouldn't he understand that he would not get any man for love? He has only his wife. Why doesn't he try to love her? He is highly educated. He should try to avoid disintegration of the family. Prashant says - Life is the name of mutual caring and sharing of your life partner's pleasures and sorrows with your own, of feeling happy in sacrificing your own requirements and needs for your partner's. Such feelings are completely missing in me for my wife. I simply don't feel happy in my wife's day-to-day pleasures, I simply don't feel sorry in her problems. I remain neutral. Contrast this with my feelings for my friend. If even a pin hurt him, I was deeply pained. Probably sexual feelings are necessary for loving your partner. I am concerned about my wife but I do not feel any affection for her.

If Prashant cannot love his wife, why can't he treat her as his friend? Friendship has been given a higher place than even love among good virtues of life. People have been found to give their life for friendship. Prashant answers it like this - A friend is one from whom we do not hide anything, one who knows everything about ourselves. But in my case, each and every aspect of my personality, my reality, my needs, my desires, my requirements, everything is hidden from my wife. How can she be my friend?

Of late Prashant's life has taken an ugly turn. But before we tell it to you, it is necessary to describe an event which happened with him while he was studying in Engineering. Then Prashant was in his teenage and looked cute. Out of about 50 boys of his class, more than half were after him. However, Prashant had already got his friend whom he considered as his husband. Therefore whenever any other boy approached him for sex, he used to scold him badly. Due to this or otherwise two boys of his class one day tried to rape him. It was a summer evening and almost all the boys of the hostel were out to playgrounds. Prashant had no interest in games. He was taking bath in the bathroom under the shower. The walls of the bathroom were only about 7 feet tall and were not touching the ceiling. There were no clothes on Prashant's body. Suddenly a boy of Prashant's class scaled the walls of the bathroom and jumped inside. He was in complete nude. He asked Prashant to allow him to have sex with him or he would do it forcibly. The boy was very tall, hefty and robust. With a short height and small body, Prashant was no match for him. There was no use shouting since the bathrooms had been constructed at the end of a wing containing fifteen rooms in a line and were far away from the central portion of the hostel where somebody might be present. Moreover, the main door of the room containing bathrooms and toilets etc. had already been closed by the boy as he told Prashant. He had switched off the lights also.

What was Prashant to do? How was he to save himself? The boy would not listen to any of his requests to spare him. Prashant's mind worked fast. And he thought of a trick. Though he was tense, he made his face very soft and his voice as sweet as possible and told the boy that he was himself very much interested in having sex with him, but what was the fun doing it in a small one metre by two metre bathroom on a hard and wet floor. Prashant told the boy that after taking bath he would himself come to his room where they could enjoy comfortably. And his trick worked. The boy got convinced and he left the bathroom again scaling the walls.

However, as soon as he left, another boy, who was also Prashant's class mate and equally hefty and tall, came in scaling the walls. He was also totally naked. He did not even have patience to talk to the earlier boy and ask him what had happened. Prashant, therefore, repeated his trick and was again successful. While the boy was leaving, Prashant, who was very much afraid, asked him whether anybody else was also waiting to take his turn, to which the boy replied that there was nobody and therefore Prashant need not worry. Prashant, in that tough moment also smiled thinking that the rascal came to rape him and now he was trying to be affectionate.

After Prashant returned to his room and bolted the door from inside, he found the boys knocking his door continuously for about two hours before they gave up. When Prashant narrated the incidence to his friend, he advised him to take evening bath a little late when all the boys have returned from the playgrounds. He also advised Prashant to carry a sewing needle with him to the bathroom to protect himself. However, Prashant decided not to report the incidence to the authorities since it would have earned a bad name for Prashant also.

Now about the turn in Prashant's life about which we were talking. One day he read in a magazine that there are certain parks in the city, where homosexual men meet and find their partner. He thought of visiting these parks and started waiting for the opportunity. And soon he got it. His wife left for her parental house along with the children and he was left alone in the house for ten days. Then he started visiting those parks. On the first day he found a 20 year old boy sitting alone reading, or pretending to read, a newspaper. He continued looking at him for a long time, but being totally inexperienced, he did not go very near to him and the boy also did not notice Prashant. After a long time a man came. He sat near the boy. Then he borrowed the newspaper from the boy and started reading it. After this he started talking to the boy. Finally both of them got up and started moving outside the park. The man placed his arm on the back of the boy. They continued moving here and there for some time. Prashant was following them. Finally they came to the parking. The boy had a motor-bike. They climbed the motor-bike and left the place.

For next four days Prashant kept on visiting the parks and he saw similar things but he could not get any partner for himself. On the sixth day, he found a 25 year old boy sitting alone at a lonely spot in the park. The boy appeared to be belonging to a low class and was not suitable for Prashant. However, Prashant's urge was high. He had not touched any man for about twelve years. Therefore Prashant was not ready to miss the chance. He kept looking at the boy from a distance. When nobody came near the boy for a long time, Prashant went nearer to him and started wandering about him. He then noticed Prashant, called him and asked him to sit near him. Prashant obeyed. Then he started talking to Prashant. Such a long time had passed for Prashant being away from his earlier partner that it was almost like a new experience to him. His whole body was shivering with sensation. He was unable to reply to him. His condition was exactly the same as that of a bride on the first night, first moments. When the boy found that Prashant was not answering to any of his questions, he said - "Arre! Bolte nahin!" (Why don't you talk!). Slowly Prashant started answering to him by the movements of his head and finally he also started talking. The boy told Prashant that he lives alone in his house and if he wanted they could enjoy.

The boy was a motor mechanic. The place where he lived was a colony where low class people live. Prashant started thinking should he go with him. Was he to have it with such people? He was undecided. He finally told the boy that he had some work at that time and would not be able to come with him at that moment but asked the boy his name and the telephone number of the garage where he worked.

Next two days there was a continuous argument between Prashant's heart and mind. His mind said how could Prashant even think of going with such a low class man which in no way can be a match for him. However his heart replied that who could remain away from sex for such a long time. This boy also he got after hunting for six days. Moreover within a day or two his wife would be arriving and he would never get the chance again. Finally Prashant's heart won the battle. He telephoned the boy and asked him to come to his house.

What Prashant is up to? What is he going to do? Great heavens, why don't you fall? Mother earth, why don't you split? Isn't there anybody who can stop Prashant? O Prashant, you are the same person who one day so tactfully and proudly saved his body from two of his classmates under very adverse conditions. They belonged to good families. They were Engineers. Still you did not prefer it with them. What has happened to you now? O God, do something to save Prashant.

But nothing happened. God did not help Prashant. Skies didn't fall. Earth didn't split. And Prashant spoiled his body. At the age of about 41, he lost his chastity to a person who was at best suited to be his servant. He did not care for his social status. He did not worry about his education. How many Indians can hope to get the education which Prashant received? People covet it. It is a feat for them. Who could have imagined that Prashant would have such a downfall?

And once spoiled, Prashant could never recover. He did it daily for next few days with that boy till his wife returned. Prashant did not stop even after this. He started going to the motor mechanic's dirty house in his dingy colony. And through him he obtained some other contacts also. Prashant started doing it regularly. Whenever he gets time, he visits those parks and hunts for people.

Sometime ago, Prashant also started hunting for people on Internet. Here the people are good. They are educated and belong to good families. However, on the Internet there is a danger. He has to send several e-mails to a friend before they decide to meet. These e-mails gradually start becoming emotional and Prashant tends to fall in love with his e-friends. He almost started loving several of his such friends even before seeing them. Then he started having acute pain. His old wounds which his friend had given him one day almost got renewed. Therefore Prashant does not prefer Internet. He has now closed his affairs on it. He has understood that he has only right to have crude sex. He does not have right to love anybody. Therefore it is better to go with dirty people with whom he cannot fall in love.

Prashant knows what he is doing is wrong. A continuous fight goes on inside him between his urge and the consciousness of his guilt. Sometimes his consciousness wins. And then Prashant stops wandering here and there. But within six months his urge becomes too great and he again starts. He has two personalities, which keep on fighting with each other. He is torn in two pieces.

Prashant wants to die. But he cannot commit suicide. What will happen to his children? What will happen to the lady who lives with him and whom the people call his wife? At least he is giving economic support to her. At least he is giving her social security. At least he is giving her a roof to live under.

Why is Prashant so unhappy with life? Why can't he consider himself to be a widow? After all a window also does not get any love or sex for life. Prashant says - a widow does not have anything to hide. People are aware of her problems and are sympathetic to her. Can I tell anybody what are my problems? Can I disclose to my friends or relatives what is the cause of my difficulties? The pain of concealing one's identity even from one's nearest and dearest ones throughout life is so great that the analogy does not go very far.

Today Prashant has become about fifty years old. He looks like a man but he is just a corpse which can walk. He is slowly burning and melting like a candle. But his end is still nowhere in sight. homosexuality is his only dirty habit. He has never developed any other bad habit in his life. His tastes are good. He enjoys only very high quality literature. He is pained at the increasing vulgarity in electronic and print media. He does not watch Indian TV and cinema as they are highly sub-standard. He is very fond of good quality devotional music. He has been a strict vegetarian and a complete teetotaler throughout his life except for his setback period when he started taking wine. He prefers homemade food. His health is good. Therefore he would need at least 25 more years to die if not more. As he is growing older, his urge for getting love is increasing rather than reducing. He wants to live with one man. He does not want multiple sex. He is not satisfied with crude sex. He wants to have it with someone whom he loves, someone who loves him, someone who lives with him in his house, who eats with him, who sleeps near him on the same bed, in who's arms he feels as safe and secure as a child in his mother's arms and who will never leave him alone. But it cannot happen. The society will never tolerate it. It has got its own ways. Prashant is nobody to choose his own life style. Even if it does not hurt anybody. The society can allow thousands of open ads published daily in all newspapers in which heterosexuals seek BM girls and ladies for sex in the name of penfriends! The society can also allow unambiguous ads of health clubs/physical fitness centres supplying boys to homosexuals in hotels in the name of messieurs! What a great definition of BM'ness! What a beautiful way of keeping oneself fit! Will the same society allow Prashant to issue an ad seeking his life partner? Never! It is wrong! It is unethical! It is against nature!

It was Prashant's birthright to have a life-partner. It was his basic human right to get married to a person of his choice. His human right has been violated. Where does he go? Whom should he complain? Who would do justice with him? This society owes an answer to him. But it will not give him that answer. Because it is adamant. Because it is thoughtless. And because Prashant is in minority and he cannot come out in the open shouting for his rights.

Weeping uncontrollably in a counselling centre, Prashant says - How high I felt when I scolded boys other than my partner approaching me for sex. I wanted to be a Sita but I ended up being worse than a prostitute. A prostitute sells her body for her survival. She has no other alternative. But I do it for satisfying my bodily lust. Moreover, the way I am going with people, any day I will catch AIDS. And through me my wife will also catch it. If both of us die, what will happen to my children?

Prashant adds - Today I have to contend with this small job which gives me just enough to feed my family of four. I have lost the inclination, desire, courage or ambition for more. Had I been allowed to marry my friend, we together could have established a big company or started an industry. We would have progressed much and would also have helped in the progress of our nation. But it was not acceptable to the society. It was more interested in suppressing my needs, crushing my desires, and ruining my life. And along with mine several others. What could have gone wrong had I been permitted to live with my friend? We would not have done any crime, we would not have raped women, we would not even have increased the population of this country. We could have adopted destitute children and given home to them. Unnecessarily I increased the population of this earth by two.

He suggests to the parents of young boys - if your son continuously refuses to marry without any apparent reason, explore this possibility by asking him and if you find that it is true then this is the time for you to give him maximum love and care, more than what you gave him when he was a baby. Never scold him, never hate him. He is not a dirty person. He is a good boy. Only he is different. Tell him that you understand. Tell him that he should not get disheartened. Tell him that you are there to look after his needs. Ask him who is his best friend. Ask him with whom he would like to spend his life. And once he tells you, talk to the parents of the other boy and arrange a private wedding for them. And never forget to bless the boys as you would bless your son and daughter-in-law. Don't ever think that they would be doing dirty things behind the door. Because you son and daughter-in-law would also do the same thing. There is no difference. Just there is no difference. If you failed in your duties, your son, the apple of your eyes, will burn in a slow fire throughout his life and the process will end only with his death which will be very far, very very far.

Prashant says - I got married because I did not have any friend and there was no hope also to get one. Had my friend not left me alone in this world, I would have never married whether I was allowed to live with him or not. When I agreed for marriage I had mixed feelings. My parents and others were irritating me for years and my heart revolted. It cried - bloody fools, why can't you understand that there must be some problem if I am constantly refusing it? O. K. if you want this, then let it happen. If you want me to spoil the life of a girl, then let it be so. I forgot that I was only harming myself, the girl whom I was to marry and my future children. Nobody else was to lose anything. My parents happily died and the self-proclaimed well wishers never turned back to see what way we were spending our life. Now I sincerely feel that instead of revolting and taking the wrong step I should have disclosed my reality to my parents. I should have gathered a little courage and probably written a letter to my father if face to face talk was not possible. It would have solved many problems.

To the young boys, Prashant suggests - Never bow down to the pressure of the society and get married with a girl. It is your life and only you will decide how you want to live it. Nobody else has any control over it. Not even your parents. Society will butcher you if you don't resist. Take lesson from my example and my ruined life. These days it is possible to get a suitable partner with the help of the Internet. Make one partner and live with him throughout your life. And be careful. Since there won't be any legal binding on you and your partner, it will be very easy for you to get separated from him in case of slight misunderstanding or quarrel. Avoid it with all your might. Bind yourself with your friend in other ways. Bind yourself economically. Make huge purchases like a house, car etc. in joint names with shared money. Make big investments in joint names. Do everything jointly. Give everything you have to your partner. And never never be unfaithful to him. Do not run after multiple sex. The feeling of loving and getting loved by somebody is much more enjoyable than having sex with many people.

Prashant says - Homosexual is the dirtiest word in our society. He is considered dirtier than a crawling insect of a gutter. People laugh at him, ridicule him, hate him, and hurl abuses at him. He is untouchable. Why? Simply because he is different than others? Because he is in minority? Because he goes hunting for people for sex. But many heterosexuals also do the same. A homosexual hunts for people because he must. There is no other alternative for him. But heterosexuals do it simply in their greed for more. Yet they are not seen with much disrespect. Nobody hates them. They are not untouchable for anybody. Prashant knows about a married person having two children who, at the age of about 45, has already done sex with more than 35 ladies and proudly he keeps on announcing this among his friends. Nobody disrespects him, nobody hates him. People talk to him normally though they are aware of his habits. Even Prashant talks to him normally since he treats Prashant with respect and Prashant finds no reason to peep into his personal life.

Prashant wants to advise the people that whenever they come to see a homosexual, then rather than hating or ridiculing him they should think - Oh! He is a homosexual. He is a very unfortunate person. He must be passing very bad times. The God has deprived him of the basic right given to all human beings, animals, birds, and even insects. He cannot love anybody. How miserable! I should talk to him with sympathy and respect. Let us all take a pledge that we human beings will rectify the mistake which God does and keeps on doing. We will give the right of marriage to them. They also have every right to live like a human. Homosexuals are also educated people. They are not less than anybody else. They also work for the society and take an equal part in the betterment and progress of their nation. The society fully enjoys the fruit of their labour. But what does it give them in return? Insults, abuses, hatred, tears, sorrows, and sufferings! How can it be so selfish?

Prashant says - If you still think that homosexuals are really dirty people, then advise the Government to develop killing centres for them where they are administered a strong poison which kills them instantaneously. The Government can charge them for the cost of the poison and for disposing the body. Either give a homosexual his rights or kill him. There is no other alternative.

Prashant warns - I was fortunate that right in my days of puberty, I got a partner with whom I was associated for 11 years. Most homosexuals are not so fortunate. Immediately after attaining the adulthood, they start doing stray sex which goes on till their death. A homosexual does sex with hundreds of people in his life. Today Internet has made it very easy for homosexuals to meet. In print media also some ads of homosexuals have started appearing for searching partner in the name of friendship. In future the spread of AIDS and other STD's is going to be very fast since almost all homosexuals ultimately marry and thus women also get infected. What the society doesn't realize is that it is sitting on a volcano.

Prashant says - The only argument against homosexuality is that it cannot produce children. Do we need more children? What is the biggest problem of mankind today? The heterosexuals have created a havoc on earth. Homosexuals constitute only about two percent of any population. Others are bisexuals and heterosexuals. What harm can be caused if these two percent people do not produce children? And if we really fall short of people, the homosexuals will be ready to donate their semen which can be used by any desiring women to produce children by artificial insemination. The medical science is progressing. More ways of producing children will be invented. There is already a talk of human cloning. Why to force marriage between a homosexual and a heterosexual just to produce a child and ruin their lives?

Now Prashant has thought of a solution to his problems. He owns a house in a good colony of the city which is worth about thirty lakhs of Rupees. He also has about twenty lakhs of Rupees in the form of shares and other securities which is his life long saving. He also owns a car and other household amenities. Can he get a man who, in exchange of all this wealth, might be ready to marry his wife and give love of a father to his children? His wife is very beautiful for her age and his children are very sweet. Any bachelor or widower of suitable age will be acceptable to Prashant provided he loves Prashant's wife. Prashant will distribute the money equally between his wife and the man who agrees for this. Then Prashant will travel to a distant city and will stay in a hotel under an assumed name and address. He will then take an overdose of sleeping pills and will die peacefully. Nobody will ever know who died and why. A mistake which God did, which the society could not correct, Prashant is ready to rectify. He has set up a profile of his wife with a matchmaking program on the Internet describing his plan and he is waiting for the responses.

There is not only one Prashant on this earth, but millions. And many more will take birth.

How many more Prashants will have to sacrifice their lives on the altar of your own whims and fancies which you keep imposing on others, before you wake up?

To how many more ladies will you deny their basic right of getting love of their husbands and make them lunatic, before you think?

By how many more persons will you unnecessarily increase the population of this already populous earth by forcing unwanted marriages between homosexuals and heterosexuals, before better sense prevails on you?

And how many more children would you like to grow physically and mentally retarded by snatching away the love of their mother from them, before you have mercy?

O heartless world, are you listening?

NOTES

IIT - Indian Institute of Technology, India's most prestigious institute for studies in Engineering. There are five such institutes in India.

IIM - Indian Institute of Management, India's premier institute for management studies. There are four such institutes in India.

Sita - Hindu Goddess who never even in her thoughts had any other man except her husband, Lord Ram. A very powerful, wealthy, learned, and handsome king named Ravan kidnapped and captivated her in his kingdom for about an year and kept persuading her to forget her husband, who had been exiled and was wandering in jungles like a pauper, and marry him and become his queen but she refused even to look at him. She is a symbol of and synonym with mental and physical chastity.